Photo Hunt #4: Small

14 12 2007

Photo Hunt


Theme: Small


Small lizard


I really don’t know where this guy came from. He kind of just showed up on my desk at work. This is one of my few attempts at trying to take a “professional” picture. Granted it was taken with my point and shoot. So I’m kind of happy with it. But whatever happened to this small guy I’m going to go with natural causes, because his body is pretty well preserved. How he got on my desk is a different story. I think this guy looks pretty cool.

An Ode to My Son

8 12 2007

While taking care of photo hunters at the same time. lol.

Disclaimer: There’s a LOT OF TMI! So read at your own caution.

Our Birth Story.

A long time ago, more like 4 years ago to this very moment I was studying for my finals the next day, I was going off on remember specific formulas, capacitive and inductive resistance, while writing my English paper. I was two days late and felt like I was pregnant for almost a decade. Okay maybe not a decade, but definitely a long long ass time.

On top of studying for finals my body felt different, it was weird. It was like my body was telling me “do not call it a night, you should stay up, and do not settle in.” Regardless, I ignored the signs my body was telling me and called it a night. The moment I laid down I ‘wet’ myself. Yes ladies and gentlemen my water broke at exactly midnight of Dec. 8th, 2003. I got up to a massive pile of water on my bed. I went to wake J (my son’s bio-dad) and he said I peed the bed. I then told his mom, she said I peed the bed. You would think a woman who was nurse for 20 years, 9 of which was labor and delivery, she would know the difference between my water breaking and accidentally peeing. Nonetheless, she cleared my bed and told me to go back to sleep. I was paranoid and pissed off. NO one wanted to drive me to the hospital. So to prove her wrong I laid down and I ‘wet’ the bed again. And that was the final draw, I was finally being put into the car. Of which J was so paranoid I would wet the seat he laid massive amount of towels everywhere.

When I got to the E.R. it was close to 1am and even the nurse there had to ask me if I was sure I didn’t pee myself. Come on people I think I would know the difference. Then here’s the kicker, the nurse asked me if I brought my underwear in which I ‘wet’ myself. MER? No I cleaned up and changed. By 2am I had my own room and lacked any contractions. They already notified my mid-wife and she wouldn’t see me until I started having contractions. I was anxious and excited I couldn’t sleep. Even though all the nurses said I had a long day ahead of me and I should sleep, I just couldn’t. Mind you at this point I haven’t slept in over 24 hours. But I had adrenaline rushing through me nothing could possibly knock me out right now.

I ended up watching Nick Jr., Cartoon Network and MTV most of the night. I finally called my stepmom when the sun was up and besides J she was the only person I wanted in there. No matter how much pain I was in I didn’t want any pain killers. No epidural! Nothing. All Natural. I am pretty good and being able to meditate and focus on outside things to move past the pain, but still my contractions weren’t much. A little after noon I felt like I had to take a massive poop, it hurt. A lot. lol.

That’s when the real labor began. I don’t remember much of it. Sadly. But what I do remember was crazy. I regret not making it to my Lamaze class because for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what muscle to push with. Then with the pain it made it harder to focus on that muscle. My stepmom was a great support person because J just wasn’t all there and it really fucking sucked. This nurse ended up tricking me when I was at the peak of my contraction and asked if I want the advil pain medicine of the pain killer line for labor. Which if I could remember what it was I would recommend you to NEVER take it. Because it did NOT take the edge off of the pain, instead I started hallucinating. Every moment I closed my eyes it felt like I went off into dream land where I argued with my classmate T. Every time I closed my eyes I felt like they were closed for an hour, when in actuality it was only 2 seconds.

This is where I don’t remember too much. I was delirious and having hard time focusing on outside things because of this stupid “advil”. I remember at one time I looked down and there were two wires that were tapped to my leg and went down my leg. Now I know that wasn’t there before. From the tidbits during my labor to what I learned after the nurses, my midwife, and my doctor kept losing my son’s heartbeat and when they found it his heart beat it was really low. They would lose his heartbeat during every contraction. What that was narrowed down to was that he was being crushed every contraction. So they had to put that screw into his head to monitor his heart. I understand now why they didn’t tell me too much because I probably would have had a heart attack.

When he started to crown it was like the world became clearer and the fog this stupid ‘pain killer’ created was clearing out. I was offered a mirror to see his head. It was the greatest incentive for me to work harder. I wanted to hold him so bad.

I may have only been in labor for 6.5 hours but it felt like the whole week. But at 6:28pm my son, my Short Stack, my life was born. his Agpar 9, respectively. Weighing in at 9 lbs. 3.3 ounces at 22 inches long. I heard him let out a healthy cry. I saw him being held by the nurse. And at 6:29 I held him for the first time. I saw his swollen eyes and ruby red lips. I felt his fingers wrap around my finger. It was at that very moment that my life finally started. I waited 19 long years to understand what love really is. 19 years to start my life. 19 years to find out I was not complete until I became a mother. 19 years is a long time, but I would wait another 19 if I had to for my son.

Today, it’s been 4 amazing years. Without you hunny I would never be where I am at. I would have never went to school. I would have never kicked the drugs and drinking. I would have never been happy. I would never be me.

For as long as I am walking, crawling, or wheeling around on this earth and there after I will be there creating a trillion memories with you, savoring every second of every day, sharing a million laughs every moment and never missing a single beat.

Thank you for choosing me. I love you baby. Happy 4th Birthday!

Short Stack

Photo Hunt #3: Red

30 11 2007

Photo Hunters


Today’s theme is RED.



This was taken during Thanksgiving. We hung out at the dirt bike track and I regret it, a little bit. Mainly because he really wants a dirt bike now, but trying to explain to him he can’t get a dirt bike till he can ride his bicycle without training wheels is pretty difficutle. Such as trying to explain time to him. In which he gives me the look as seen here.


He always have these crazy expressions on his face. Especially when I say “let’s take a nice picture.” But I love these pictures, he makes them unique and memorable. I pray he never loses that enthusiasm and great sense of humor. That he will always be the bright, beautiful and smart child I see every day. I wish I didn’t ruin the pictures though. lol.



During the last minute I decided to add this. It’s obviously my suitcase and my make-up bang. *gasp* I know make-up. . . me? Don’t choke to death laughing. But we are just about done packing. We are ready to go to Oahu. Hard part is waking up 4am. But in that one suitcase carries my clothes, Beau’s clothes, Short Stack’s clothes, my make-up bag, 2 medium duffle bags, 1 large duffle bag, mini travel necessities, 2 hairspray bottles and shoes. And it’s really light too.

If you are asking why we have 3 duffle bags it’s for all the things we buy on Oahu. Believe me we can fill 3 duffle bags and the suitcase in less than 8 hours with presents for people. Plus Short Stack and I always wait out to buy things we want from Oahu, so the large bag and the suitcase is going to mainly for Short Stack and I. Maybe the Beau will get something.



Photo Hunt #2 “I love . . . . “

16 11 2007


This is a good topic. I was hunting, diving and desperately searching for a photo that represents something I love. I came to one conclusion I love everything. With that comes the impossible task of just picking one photo. So for your enjoyment, my satisfaction, and just the beauty of sharing the people I love I created this.


I love. . . . my life right now.

Where I am at. Where I live. I love where my life is at this moment. I live in a place where I am constantly surrounded by beauty and awe inspiring views are simply moments away. And when you want to feel alone it’s only a few steps away and it’s just you and endless skies.

I love. . . . my friends.

Over the last 4 years I have found out who my true and real friends are. Never swaying, never judging, never faltering, and above all ALWAYS loving friends. Each of these people have taught me so much. They showed me how to be confident again. How to open up. How to trust. I don’t know how I could ever repay them for all that they have done, but I love them as my own family.

Above ALL. . . .

I love. . . . my family.

I would be nothing without them. I need them to add the sanity to my insane life. They are a constant reminder why love and family are NEVER over rated in this selfish cruel world. They pick me up before I even feel down. Why am I writing this? For anyone that has a family they know and understand what I feel. I can’t explain it, but I really don’t know who or what I would be without them.

So in the end it comes down to two pictures. Pictures of the most important influences in my life.

I love. . . . my saviors.

The first picture is my dad with my son. One of the greatest things my dad has said to me is, “From the first love in my life you have now given me my second.” My dad took me in when I was at my lowest and he did it with open arms and endless love. Something I thought I lost.

The second picture are my classmates, my professors and I at our college graduation. They showed me what real friends are, what trust and faith in people can really bring you, and they pushed me to do better everyday. Without their encouragement and help I would have never finished or continued going to school.


I know this should have only been one picture, but giving such an open ended topic – especially love – it’s impossible. Especially when you have a life blessed with tons of love.


Photo Hunt #1 : Flexible

10 11 2007


So this is my first Photo Hunt. Today’s theme was Flexible.

Now I know this is just an image of my son, in fact its the same image under My Family tab. But behind it lies the definition of flexible, at least family wise it does.


Regardless of all the things happening in my life, whether it be school, work, sickness, id theft, family problems, etc. I must always be flexible enough for my son. Because he will always come first. His feelings, health and happiness are my number one priorities. I may have some pretty big important projects happening at work, but I am always willing at the first chance to leave the moment my son is sick, the second he is depressed and within the same heart beat that he misses me.


As parents we must learn to be flexible with all obstacles in our life. We need to remember that life will come at you fast, but if you aren’t flexible to make life work around your kids you’ll miss out on watching your kids grow up. Everything else in life can be made up and pushed back a little later, but your kids only grow up once.


Well this is my first whack at it. And honestly the only person that came to mind.