It’s not jealousy, believe me.

24 05 2008

I just seem to be full of complaints today.

OK only 2 complaints, but complaints nonetheless.

Maybe it’s just me, maybe a select few, but I have a very set way of what a family is in my mind.

Families don’t keep things from each other. They are open and honest. Families do what they can to be there for you. Even it’s it not physically they call, check in on you,  or even send stupid text messages. Families aren’t second best to anything. When you take away the materialist superficial things all you have left is your family and friends that might as well be your freaking family.

You get the gist, I really could go on.

But lately, my sister has been grinding on my nerves.

I mean 100 grit sandpaper grinding. 😐

Since my brother and his girlfriend moved away we knew they were going to be coming back to visit. We found out months ahead of time they were coming in May. We knew many weeks ahead of time the days they would be here. Now before my surgery I made sure I had some days off to spend some time with them. Time I could put forth the effort to see them and do something.

Now since I’m kind of stuck in my house they have been gracious and understanding enough to hang out at the house with us. Spend some time with the nephew, Nyx, BBQ, watch some movies, play some games, and in generally spend some good quality time together.

But my sister? She spent maybe one day. All she did was rave on and on to people about how our brother and his girlfriend were going to come back to visit. Always reminding anyone, even me, that she was taking off two weeks to hang out with them. Sending text messages about how important we, her family, were to her. How we need to spend more time together so we aren’t like our mom. Yada yada yada.

So my brother and his girlfriend have been here for a week. They leave on the 28th. She hasn’t taken off. In fact she’s taking off for a week or so the day he LEAVES so she can spend time with the not-girlfriend-girlfriend’s family.

Sure I’m pretty understanding that she works two jobs. I let that go, but it’s not like she works both jobs everyday. The night she could have come out hang out we were blown off because she “had a meeting with the girlfriend.” When do you have meetings with your significant other?

I brushed it off.

But I’m coming to realize it’s more than that. It’s more than her not spending time with out brother who we aren’t going to see for a while and hardly will. It’s more than her not spending time with me.

It was finally brought to my attention, which I always thought but never believed or wanted to say, my sister is a horrible compulsive liar.

She makes up insane stories sometimes. LOTS of people always believe her and we, family and friends, have to hear about from other people and we know it’s full of SHIT.

She told people the reason why our brother was coming down was to get married. WTF.

When we confront her about her lies she adds on to them. We don’t say anything about it anymore, we just let it go and let her look and sound like a loony. But it’s those lies that drive me insane and I just somehow never made that connection.

I hate it even more when she tells some bullshit about our own family. I got her Myspacing a message about how “our dad doesn’t even know how to be a real dad yet. She can’t drive any where because she crashed the grandparents car. My dad can get us any alcohol we want because he doesn’t care.”

A) My dad does care, sometimes doesn’t know how to show it.

B)  She doesn’t even have a license or know how to drive.

C) My grandparents aren’t even crazy enough to let ME borrow it, let alone her?

She asks for advice, I know she doesn’t care about and ALWAYS replies with “That’s what I said!” Which is bullshit about 99% of the time. That 1% is rare and really far between.

I hate hearing from people that have been my friends 5 times longer than they ever knew my sister ask me about things she says. Especially about our dark past and family problems.

I personally don’t like to hang our dirty laundry out for everyone.  But she loves the attention she gets.

Brings me to issue 2. We – I will not say who that consists of – have come to general consensus that she hurts herself on purpose to gain attention and sympathy pains. I no longer care what she does. I know she isn’t a cutter, so I don’t worry.

But drives me over the cliff insane is the fact that she thinks we are completely stupid to her stupid games and she doesn’t realize she’s doing it all day every day.

She’s like the early stages of our mother.

People who don’t think she’s like that think I’m insanely jealous. That I want her attention. I want her life.

Sorry people, I like being honest, I hate attention, I enjoy NOT looking like Jack the Skeleton King, I love having curves and boobs, and I’m not an attention whore.

I don’t know what to say to her anymore. It all sounds like lies and she turns herself in the victim.

I just want to bitch slap her sometimes.





I’m at my peak you can stop now.

1 05 2008

I’m not really the type of person to really dread on the past and get stuck there. I will admit I will look behind me and wonder about things, but I don’t really sulk in it. I’m typically always looking forward and anxious to know what the future has in store for us, me.
At least that’s how I felt up until the last few weeks.

I feel like things have been flying ‘into’ me way too fast. The first wave of things I took with grace and a huge smile. Sure it ‘swept’ me off my feet, but since then I haven’t been able to get back on my feet and brace myself for everything else. The moment I start getting up from all fours I’m knocked down by the next thing or obstacle, whether it hits me from above or below. Honestly I was enjoying it. Completely excited about all the things happening and overwhelmed with the immense stressed made me feel like I was truly accomplishing a lot of things.

Sadly, a trait that hasn’t dissipated since Jr. high.

But I think I truly met my limit. It’s no fun anymore. I want to stop and breathe for a moment or two. Damn I’d be satisfied with half a moment if it was given.

We’ve literally been on the move since the end of February. In two months we have packed, moved, unpacked, repacked, moved again, and now in the unpacking stage. Again. Bought two cars, not because we were suffering without the lack of vehicles or anything, but it was just there.

The ‘92 240sx is my dream project car. I’ve been searching for this car for almost 8 years, just to be ousted by someone else and we got it together. Then in the process of this car and the insane rising cost of gas realized we need to get another vehicle to save on gas and money. Originally we were going to get rid of our Chevy and my VW to buy some nice sedan, somewhere along the lines of a Camry or Maxima. But Preston then found his dream car. I felt both our criteria. Mine: 4 doors and standard. Preston: Honda Accord. So we bought a ’95 Honda Accord EX. He gave into my dream project car of course I’m going to do the same. No matter how much I hate dislike Hondas. We have yet to get rid of any of our vehicles. So we have 6 – new to old – VW, Chevy, Accord (2dr), Accord (4dr), Ford, and my baby Nissan. So the damn Accord took the place of the car we I really wanted.

Now with the new house, the house we are going to stay in for the next several years, I love this house. It’s huge and leaves tons of room for growing. Minor exception it came with NO appliances. We already had to buy a new refrigerator, but we were left without a stove. At first we were O.K. with it, we had a BBQ and our rice pot so how important is it to have a stove?

Very important.

Try BBQ-ing spaghetti. It took me over 3 hours. It was no fun. So I bought a stove today. It’s not home yet, but I swear I am never going through that again. I’ve been without a stove for almost a month now. I alone spent $900 eating out because we could hardly cook anything at home. And that’s just me I have know clue what Preston spent for when he paid, but I can imagine it’s close to what I spent.

I really don’t know what compelled me – this was before I thought having a stove was major importante – I felt like I needed a bigger couch. Our living room is 3 times bigger than ANY living room we ever had. Correction my dad’s living room is bigger, but that doesn’t count. So having our tiny futon couch in a huge living room was ridiculous. So I went looking for another one. Instead I found two HUGE couches. They are this beautiful royal blue, overstuffed cushions and when you combined them together it forms the most awesomest california king sized fortress. Yes we tried, dived, and fell in love with it. Better yet it was two hundred for both and they belonged to Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park. I will never get rid of them.

So where does this put us?!

In a tight bind. Yes I put myself there. But that’s the least of it.

I normally love my job. I love the people I work with. I love what I do. But The Company is truly wearing me down. I am the only female in my department and I really don’t mind. Like outside of work I am just one of the guys. My boss usually puts me in charge of different things. I look over a bunch of things and I truly love the responsibility. I understand why it happens too. I’m the technical one of the bunch. I take on everything with a smile. I get things done fast and perfect. I practically NEVER grumble. I actually take the time to learn new things and love the challenge. But the guys I work with grumble and honestly talk WAY too much. So much hardly anything gets done. So I’m the “go-to-girl”. But when I’m constantly pulled away from projects for “hot projects” just when I was put on a previous hot project I can’t handle it. I only went in for 4 hours today, just be tasked to 5 different jobs on top of the 3 jobs I already had from the day before. I understand that my boss goes to me because the other guys are older and are really set in their ways, but he must know I have my limits. And he met it last week. lol.

Right now I want the weekend to come because this week has flown by way to quickly. I was really convinced that today was Tuesday. I’m serious too. 😐

Wow I just realized tomorrow is Friday. Jeez that last bit made no sense. 😛





Back to Square One

1 04 2008

So for the many, or few, that have screaming at me to jump on Oovoo.com or at least update and let the world know I’m ok……I’m ok.

For those you figured, “eh she’s moving into the new house and working I can wait and things will be back to normal at the end of March.” You are wrong.

We are moving, again. But don’t worry it’s not that far. In fact it’s practically still in the same house. I’ll get to that.

At the beginning of March I will admit that we were all ‘gung-ho’ about moving and doing it swiftly. Our incentive: some of March’s rent back from the apartment. We neglected to read our landlords fine print, in her words. Only IF she found tenants to move in BEFORE the end of March. Fat chance. So rather than stressing each other our and working ourselves down to the marrow we took are sweet time.

We have been living in the new house for almost 3 weeks now. Which reminds me. It’s our 2 year anniversary. As of today we have been living together, parent free, completely adult like for exactly 2 years now. Amazing how fast the years have gone.

Yesterday we said goodbye to the tiny apartment we have grown to love. Our first place together. In fact our first place without our parents, or someone’s parents, to guide our way. We picked up our small TV and entertainment unit. Scrubbed down almost every nook and cranny. Dusted and swept the hidden dust bunnies. Then finally shut and locked the door one last time. I remember when we first got the place we were happy that someone finally said yes to us. We were 21 years old, no references, practically no credit and a 2 year old boy. Not a single person wanted to rent to us. Till we found our apartment. I prayed, crossed my fingers, and put on the biggest smile I could to impress the landlord. It worked. I think. I walked in, fell in love, and she said yes. Over the next two years, we grew (metaphorically and physically lol) and finally the place got too small for us. Which landed us here.

A cute pink house. Well extension of a house. $200 more from the apartment. But we get a yard, a garage, and near-perfect neighborhood. We dealt with the stress of March only begging for April to come. We were tired of running back and forth. Packing and unpacking, which just turned into throw crap into container and dump on living room floor. And now April 1st is here nonetheless. And we are moving again.

But it’s not across ‘town.’ It’s quite literally on the other side of the wall. The family that was living in the main house moved out this past weekend. In the middle of their moving they allowed us to roam around their house. Get a feel of it to see if we want to inquire with our new landlords of they would be interested in renting it out to us. Let’s say the main house is 2.5 times bigger than our side. In the process of viewing their house we found out the previous tenants of our house was paying $500 LESS than what we are. I was L.I.V.I.D. They paid $500 less than us?!?!?!?! Better yet the rent for the main house is only $100 more than our rent now. WTF?! It’s almost 3 times bigger and they pay $100 more?

So yesterday Preston called our Landlady, C.S., and inquired about the main house. She originally wanted to renovate the whole house and then offer it to us. But seeing that she renovated the extension and jacked up the rent I was scared she would do the same for the main house. But Preston was amazing. He was very adamant about wanting the main house. He told them that the house is great condition and would like to rent it out the way it is. She was sort of cautious about it. I’m thinking she had the feeling the main house was in shambles or something. Which it really isn’t.

As of yesterday, we now are renting the main house. With all our shit still sitting on the floor EVERYWHERE in the extension! We have till the 15th to move into the main house. We told her we won’t be moving anything till the weekend of the 11th. We have Nyx this weekend and I asked my sister K if we can watch Baby K on Saturday so Nyx can spend time with his cousin and I am able to start getting Nyx comfortable around little ones. I forgot to mention, she did jack up the price but only $100.

I love the main house. It’s 3bd and 2 ba. It’s BIG. Now if we can only find people we like to move into the extension we will be set. I don’t want to end up with shitty neighbors.

Man I have so much to update.

The shittiest utility to deal with by far, and so far, was the cable company. The guy on the 17th was a lazy bum and we found out he had no clue what he was talking about. But his stupidity was going to cost me 10 more days of misery. Another cable guy was to come on the 27th to run a new coax and install. But between the 17th and the 27th Preston hooked up the cable anyways. It worked stupid cable guys! We made 5 cat5e cable runs through the house so we don’t have cables running this way and that across the house. Good thing we didn’t finish it yet, because of course now it has to be pulled and rerunned through the main house.

I even upgraded to Road Runner turbo to get a whole whomping 8mb download speed. Bullshit there, speedtest.net only sees 2mb. I’m going to have to give them a bitchfest before the end of the week. Regardless I have internet, even if at some points it feels like dial up once and while. Another reason to bitch. Preston installed the cable himself and the cable guy on the 27th only plugged in the HD DVR and we STILL got charged $50 for installation. GRRRR.

Nyx has been doing pretty well. J’s parents came back from Africa for a month, just to do taxes, and will be going back eventually. J’s brother from California came down too so Nyx was getting the opportunity to spend time with cousin’s he practically never sees. In fact I don’t think he ever met them before this past week. The school year is almost coming to a near so you know what that means! Kindergarten in August!!!!

I’m becoming pretty adjusted to the idea of him going to public school soon. Not that I want him to. But I can’t wait for his sake.

I don’t know if it’s me, but he’s been getting on my nerves a lot faster than ever. Attention has been shortened by 10 folds, his attitude heightened the extremes and he just doesn’t listen to anything. Constantly back talking and giving snarky remarks. Maybe I’m the one that can’t wait for Kindergarten to start. 😛

It’s nearing bed time, I’m tired, Nyx is settling in and I still need a shower.

But pictures of the new abode are below! Disclaimer all taken with my phone. Read the rest of this entry »