Tomorrow is the big day.

4 08 2008

Supplies…….check.

Books………..check.

Backpack……check.

Bus Pass…….check.

Mom…………unchecked.

We can say that again. Nyx is definitely starting Kindergarten tomorrow. My heart has only sped up since last week. Only twice as fast.

Taking the wise words of advice from my son, “I’m trying to be strong son.” Not as much for him as it is for me. I haven’t gotten any better from wanting to prevent him from school. Since I enrolled him in February I’ve been waiting for a reason to rear it’s ugly head to let me keep him out of Kindergarten. I know that is a horrible thing for me to say. But I’m scared. I’m scared to let go. I’m scared to have no control over what will happen over there.

There are 17 kids in his class -including him. Only 2 of which I know from his Pre-K class. Which gives me a little comfort, but only a little. There are still 14 other kids. Kids I don’t know. Kids I don’t know if I would even like their parents.

The little boy that lives next door to me creeps me out. Sure his parents are nice, but they are drug dealers. It’s nice they don’t do it from our house. (Side note: remember we occupy the main house they live in the extension, so there is only a single wall that separates us.) But the fact that they get calls their “customers” pick the dad from the drive way and do their “transactions” else way still makes me uneasy. We live in a great neighborhood too. At least 90% of the people here work at The Company. The Company does random drug testing and no ones  during my 3 years there has gotten fired. I’m falling away from the story, sorry.

But the thing I’m getting at is the parents and kids from Pre-k are awesome people. Great influences on both my son and I. I’ve met the possible new parents and kids my son will have and it’s scary really. The kids are so mean and bully my son already. No surprise because their parents were already being dicks to me, and I know I didn’t do anything.

Here’s a good one, one of the moms stared me down because she was upset me son knew all his colors, shapes and letters at Kindergarten camp and her son couldn’t even spell his name. No where near being my fault, but apparently she though different.

I hate public schools.

But I have to learn to put those feelings and thoughts aside. I’ll only make my son paranoid and give myself panic attacks for the next 13 years to come. It’ll get better right?

After Nyx’s last day at CDC/Pre-k we took him to his new school and walked around. We even made him give us directions on how to get from our house to school. He was dead on for the directions. He even took the faster way, rather than the way I would have went.

I asked him to show me where his classroom was and he knew where it was. I walked him through knowing where to go when I drop him off and what to do while he waits for school to start. I laminated his temporary bus pass, labeled his wallet and backpack, and hopefully stuck the notion in his head that his wallet and bus pass only come out when he is boarding the bus.

I am most terrified of the bus. I don’t think I need to explain way, but Mrs. T assured that there will be someone there to make sure the kids get on the right bus. Later on through the year the older kids makes sure the younger ones get on the same bus. Which is awesome because the older kids’ parents all work for The Company.

As a present for this momentous occasion we bought Nyx his own computer. Granted it is used, but it’s rebuilt from the toe up so it’s practically brand new. It has a faster CPU, more memory, CD/DVD burner, and a card reader. Nothing on it but the O.S. so yey him! He can finally install all his computer games and doesn’t have to wait till Preston and/or I to get off our laptops to use. He thanked the guy we bought it from with a big grin and in turn the guy gave it to us $20 cheaper.

I have to admit Preston and I do want to kick ourselves in the ass for just not building Nyx his own computer. It’s not like we don’t 4 towers with motherboards in them already. It’s not like we can’t build computers either. But you know how the stereotypes go right? The best mechanic always has the shittiest running car, the carpenter has the house that’s fall apart, the therapist that his way more issues than his patients, and the computer technicians who don’t have the time to put a simple computer together for their son to they up and buy one from another technician that builds them. Yea well you get the point.

As I rivel in the last moment of the day we are finally going to go finish watching 21, I’m going to stare at my son for a few moments before I wake up tomorrow and he’s my big kid, and then take a nice hot shower.

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Finally coming to terms

31 07 2008

Today we had our final meeting with Nyx’s teacher, Mrs. T., we brought in his huge list of school supples. Practically all labeled. Minus labeling all 104 crayons. I was totally over that!

Doesn’t mean I didn’t having anything to label. I had 4 bottles of glue, 4 bottles of hand soap, 4 boxes of 10 markers, 2 glue sticks, 2 sets of paints, 24 sharpened pencils, 3 shirts, and a load of other things. We got to let out all the final questions. Questions that have been driving me up the wall crazy. I’m extremely paranoid so I asked ALL the “what if” questions. And amazingly she answered them all. Even Preston’s interrogation questions too.

She really put my mind at ease. She’s incredibly nice to. Better yet she has a daughter going to the same school. Though from the looks of it she’s a couple years older. Nyx also has 2 other, possibly 3, friends from Pre-k in the same class and that’s even better for him. And me.

I got the whole bus thing situated, so he gets to start riding the bus from the first day. Another great fear of mine, but his other Pre-k friends will be riding the bus to the same place as him, so once again he won’t be alone.

I signed him up for the after school youth center, which is free by the way. Had our tour of the place yesterday and Nyx is looking forward to it. Actually he’s been looking forward to going to the youth center for the last year. So yey all around!

And the last thing on my list was the school lunch thing. I thought it was going to be expensive, so I was going to apply for reduced/free lunch, looked at the chart and realized I don’t make the cut. Apparently for a family of 2 I make too much. (Note I’m not rubbing it in your face just stating a fact). So I went on ahead and just put $100 on his lunch card for now. The lunch is $1.25. Pretty cheap I think. So I don’t think Preston and I will bother applying for the reduced/free lunch. I’m sure there is another family that would like our place anyways. Even if we did try with our combined income they’d probably laugh at us for trying to apply anyways. Not a big deal.

During our interview with Mrs. T Nyx got to tour his new classroom. The nice MAC computers, the pretend center, the desks, practically everything. So the greatest ease on my mind is seeing the excitement in Nyx’s eyes. Everything out of his mouth has to deal with Kindergarten. So if he is excited, then I should be too. I don’t want by paranoid/negative vibes to affect him. I want to keep him on this path of wanting to learn.

After the interview I decided to take the rest of the day off. Relax and get things organized. My great-grandmother passed away a week ago and her funeral is this coming Saturday. I have lots of family flying in and they all want to spend some time together. I hardly see them and I think half of them hardly know Nyx exists. Not that they exclude me from their lives, simply that I don’t communicate with them. Nothing is wrong with my aunt, just never had a strong bond with them.

Anyways, there are 4 Great Great Grandchildren and the family want them to play a role in the ceremony. So I’ve been preparing Nyx for that. He’s never attended a funeral before. So I hope he’ll be respectful and follow directions.

In the end, I wish I could have known my Great Grandmother better. I’ve met her a couple times, but I don’t really have a bond with her. It got me thinking, thinking things I should have done a long time ago, I should rebuild my relationship with my grandmother. She is an amazing person. Very funny and I want my son to have a good relationship with her. She’s great and healthy so I know she’ll be around for a long time more. My grandfather is still here too, but has been in and out of the hospital the last year or so. And I know my grandma will make sure he stays as long as she does.

So tonight my WHOLE family is having dinner at my Aunt’s house, N. I never met N. in fact I didn’t know she existed till an hour ago when we were told ordered to go from grandma through dad.

Nyx is taking a nap and this is my opportunity to play with my Wii Fit, DDR, or maybe even *gasp* clean.

I do know something about my Great-Grandmother though, she’s 4 years older than my grandma. 😐