Made good on my promise and some other stuffs

22 06 2009

Now when I say I’m going to do something to make it up to them, I always keep my word. Which says a lot because my intentions are always good, but sometimes I can’t always keep every promise. Though I try my absolute best to all the time.

Getting back into the flow of work wasn’t so bad. When I came back my coworker Wanksta also came back from Okinawa, he was also on a trip for The Company, he brought back some cool JDM gifts for me. Even what we like to call the Rice Patty hat, which was the coolest gift ever.

But this weekend to make up for my absence and so Dustin and Kayla can return home saying they did something weird, I made plans to go tubing down the old cane road irrigation ditches. Now that does sound dirty, but it really isn’t. It was actually pretty laid back, fun, a great history lesson, and some great scenery.

The crappiest part of it all?

Waking up at 6am when we all went to bed around 1am or so. I was surprised my fat ass actually got up. Needless to say no one else was very happy. It’s a good thing it’s only up the road from our house.

I saw parts of our paradise “back yard” I never knew existed. The tour was awesome. The ride was pretty cool. Water wasn’t nearly as cold as I thought and hoped it would be. The only down side, was the damn disrespectful tourists that were on the tour with us. In end everyone had fun and we had yet another great memory together.

Sadly, my brother leaves tomorrow. 😦 So tonight we went out to dinner to stuff our faces full of sushi.

I remember when my brother first moved to the island. It was about 3 years ago, the siblings and I went to go eat Genki Sushi one afternoon and I picked up an ahi nigiri plate. Of course I asked my brother if he wanted some. His reply?

“Oh no I only eat tuna.”

Yea………. Ahi = Tuna. DER!

He did try and he loved it. Since then he’s opened up to a lot of sushi stuffs. My sister too.

Now Preston on the other hand…… I have to force it down his throat.

When I first met him I knew he was a mama’s boy. He NEVER ate what he should, aka veggies, he picked apart everything so he only ate the meat, aka chicken ceasar salads, and heaven forbids he eats a damn raw tomato.

I’ve gotten him out of his shell to atleast try everything once. So sushi, it’s slowly growing on him.

It grew enough on him to try Uzura – quail egg – sushi. Now I will admit quail egg somewhat made me shiver and I gagged, but if it’s on the menu someone must have thought it was tasty and I should give it a try. But why not make Preston try with me too?!?! I love torturing him, birthday or not. 🙂

Anyways, dinner was fun. It was long and service took ages, but we had fun. So much to talk about and literally very little time to do it in.

After dinner we came back home where 3 days prior I stole Naomi’s recipe for fried ice cream and made us some gourmet desserts. Which Nai everyone loved thank you for the recipe. I tried to soak up as much of my brother and his girlfriend as I could.

If I’m lucky I get to see them once a year, I should get our asses up there to see them some time.

I have to say though, some way and some how I always find a way to not really say goodbye. When I figure it out I’ll let you know. But some how I get away without the teary eyed farewells. Simply because I am a very attached person, I hate goodbyes, I hate seeing my loved ways leave to somewhere so damn far away.

I think I must end this entry, I have to say it has to be one of my long overdue scattered brained entries. I was wondering when it was going to show up.

So I leave with more pictures!!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements




Home Bound, Finally.

14 06 2009

It’s great to escape every once and awhile. To completely take yourself out of your 24/7 routine and environment and throwing yourself somewhere new. Especially some where you don’t know where you are going, what you’ll be doing, and just taking it one moment at a time.

I’ve loved the last 6 days with Naomi and Devin. We did so much, in a sense it was almost a blur, a fun blur though. They moved away a few years ago to further their lives, better their careers, and to grow into even more amazing people. When I was sitting at the terminal I was missing them already, but I know I”ll see them soon enough. (I might be back to Buffalo in September.)

There was someone I missed even more, my son. I called him every chance I got. I damn near had a heart attack my first night away courtesy of my ex-husband. But when he was home safe with Preston my heart was at ease. Temporarily. I missed him. I cried like a big baby. Guilt fell on my heart.

I didn’t tell him I was going to New York when I left, simply told him I was going away for work, and I’ll be back before he knows it. He’s been wanting to go back to New York ever since we left in January 2008. But due to budget and time I couldn’t afford it, especially since The Company moved my flight up a whole week. Nonetheless I never told Nyx where I went. I was afraid he’d be really upset.

Eventually the smart boy he is found out where I was. It went exactly like this,

Nyx: Mom I know where you are…….

Me: Where am I honey?

Nyx: You’re in NEW YORK! That’s not fair, you went twice. I went only one time.

Me: I’m sorry, but maybe when I come out again you can come. There won’t be snow though.

Nyx: I want to go when there is snow. I’ll wait till there is snow.

I guess I shouldn’t have overreacted, I should have just told him. But he wasn’t too bothered. He knew, he accepted it, then he made sure I brought back lots of presents for him. More specifically he wanted his Naruto ninja outfit with shurikens and sais.

I have to say, which I am sure is common knowledge, it is so much easier to fly west than it is to fly east. The flights didn’t feel so long, the layovers were short, before I knew it I was hope again. Here’s the funny thing, I had to get back to work the very next day. No time to really recover from jet lag. I landed around 730pm, home around 830pm and was straight to bed. I seriously surprised myself when I woke up at 530am and was ready to get to work.

We NEVER wake up on time to get to work.

Saturday was the samething, I woke up at 630am ready to get the day started. I was a mad woman. Preston really just wanted to knock me out. Even though I love vacationing, I have to say with all the stress and headaches I really enjoy being home the most.

What is even better, my brother Dustin and his girlfriend Kayla flew down on the 8th to visit. So I have some plans to make with them, things to do with my boyfriend and I definitely need to make up for Preston and Roxanne’s birthdays.





On A Brighter Note

18 05 2009

 I should cease on the depressing entries, at least for now.

Our move is coming along quite well really. Lots of support from a couple of my friends, ok more like one thanks Levi, and several of Preston’s, correction again just one thanks Scott. But it’s good.

 A bit stressful like all moves are, but that’s to be expected.

I’ve been scouring garage sales, classified, penny savers and, yes, even craigslist like a mad woman. Found most of my deals on craigslist. Garage sales only got me in trouble. I’ve bought things I really don’t need. Paints, painting supplies, dvds, mirror candle holders, and various non essential wastes of money. But I can’t help it, its in the genes, it was a damn good deal!

I think Preston leaves it to me seeing that the woman in me comes out and I love to buy everything and figures he leaves it to me to find the deals. Plus he knows better. He knows that whatever furniture he buys is going to be the cheapest of the cheap, if not off the side of the road in someone’s trash, and I’m going to hate it and then he’ll have to deal with my bitching and moaning. Ever told you he’s a smart man? 

So far I’ve bought a beautiful grey microfiber couch, a patch pattern earth tone area rug, a double door less than a year old refrigerator (although it wasn’t needed because we already had one), a portable A/C unit, 2 huge Rubbermaid outside storage locker/containers, a twin size bed with nifty bed frame that has 3 drawers and bookshelves attached and various bath essentials. All in 2.5 days and under $700?!

Today we’ll be picking up a dining table set, a coffee table, a dresser and a night stand. Possible a white leather couch and a CA King memory foam mattress with frame too. Although picking up the mattress might not happen because we may be getting the one at dad’s house. Plus a CA King is way too B  I  G for our place. I don’t know yet. We have to use up all our options first.  

It’s a good thing I’m choosing and buying our décor because lord knows the O.D.D. comes out and everything has to match perfectly, it has to be beautiful and everything HAS to fit PERFECTLY. If not it irks to ends of the earth till it’s replaced. Although Preston is going a bit crazy with my perfectionist side.

We would have had a mattress already, that’s if I wasn’t allergic to the one I bought. Last Friday we checked out a mattress I wasn’t too fond of the headboard, but the mattress was great. It was soft, but firm. I didn’t end up feeling like I was being sucked in. So we picked it up and set it up at the new house. Within an hour my sinuses swelled up. My eyes became puffy, red, and watery. Then the sneezing and hacking came along. I was suffering. I didn’t know what to do. I have never been allergic to anything in my life. First thing the next morning Preston called the lady and asked if we could return it. Of course she wasn’t too happy, but she did and I got my money back.

The next bed issue happened yesterday. It was a nice frame, simple and cute design. But the mattress sucked. In my mind I though well I like the frame, the mattress can be used temporarily until I can afford my tempurpedic mattress. I gave the nice lady a down payment to hold it until we could come back with a truck. As we were leaving Preston finally says, “Well you are pretty much paying $350 for a simple plain frame.” Translation: “You dummy that thing sucks we aren’t getting it.” So fast u-turn Preston got the money back, another unhappy lady, and we are left still with no bed 3 days later. 

Things are coming along though. The only major thing we do need is mattress, other than that once we get a mattress the rest of our stuff can be moved over and we’ll be completely out of the other house and I won’t be feeling like furniture. 

To make things a little more stressful fun, Preston is having a get together with his friends this coming Saturday at the new house. Being the great hostess I enjoy being that means as we are bringing things in I have to unpack and prep the house twice as fast. Honestly, I don’t mind. Sure I might blow up from the absurd mess Preston makes unloading I like that he’s going to have his “boys night.” He rarely sees his friends and they all asked him to do something too. Just seeing him happy and relaxed with the people he’s closest too is just a small part of what makes me happy too. Plus with all the garage, patio and yard room we have now why not?

Nyx has grown accustomed to this moving thing. As if it’s just a regular adult thing to do. Which is bad and good, he doesn’t get thrown out of whack being moved around, but I want him to know we hare gypsies or nomads either. Even if I think gypsies are cool.

With our new house he has a huge garage, driveway and yard to play in. And I’ll be okay with that because he isn’t so close to the road. The park is right up the road from us and a beach down the road in the opposite direction. Within the house he has more of his own personal space. Rather than being crowded by 10 people he only has 3 and he can always find a place to make his own in the house.

I’m glad this house is our “halfway home” our temporary safe haven. We have been more actively looking into the house market. Learning about special grants, Hawaii specific home loans, and different programs helping low-middle income families buy their first homes with no fear of this recession money market hurting them. So in realistic terms I’m looking at next year finally owning a home. I’ve been in contact with a wonderful Realtor who has been in this business her whole life. She’s genuinely a kind person and so helpful giving us all this information. Even if we don’t go through her, her goal is just to help us get into a home of our own.

Once we get settled into this house we are making a face to face appointment with her – we’ve been communicating via email lately – to look at our options and see where we are.

First home here we come!!!!





A blog?! What’s that?

14 05 2009

I didn’t forget, just been avoiding.

In a lack of better description and words I’ve been depressed and overwhelmed.

Things have been good, things have been bad, but things can always be better.

I’ve been trying to learn to deal with the hardships that have been coming my way. Since November it’s been a never ending shit storm, one after the other. Every Sunday I tell myself “Well it can’t get any worse than this.” But lo and behold before the week is over it does get worse. There has been good moments in between the shit storms, but not nearly enough to make a mark on my soul to rejoice over.

As of late I hope my dad reads this.

It’s a sad thing when you can’t talk to your dad about what is on your mind and heart. Especially when we live under the same roof. Since he’s gotten married I feel like I was ousted out of his life. Deemed out of date. I’m not a little girl that needs her daddy by her side 24/7. But I am the little girl that wants to feel like I play some part in his life. Even if it’s not a HUGE part, but fit in somewhere that I am acknowledge to be of some existence to him. If I feel like this I can only imagine how my sister feels. I know it must be worse and that pisses me off.

My sister went to the ER 3 times and the crazy bin twice, not once did my dad call or visit. Even show the least bit of concern. He’s been so absorbed in this new marriage that we are invisible. I feel like furniture.

So when does he talk to us? When Channel finds something to bitch about, when S. feels inadequate, or we screwed up. Channel and S. complain that we “alienate” them by not talking to them or even saying hi. Well excuse me if I remember correctly I welcomed you into OUR home with open arms and minds. I showed interest into your life and included you both in ours and what do they do? Hide in my dad’s room. Ignore our conversations turn their fat noses into the air as if we aren’t worthy enough to breath the same air. So fuck you.

In 6 months I feel alienated in my own home. Kicked out of my dad’s life and completely betrayed. Am I over exaggerating? I doubt it.

My proof to back this up?

We are getting kicked out, a new place. We do our best to clean the best we can, pay our half of the bills, not complain about the stupid shit they say and do, and stay out of their way. But it’s not good enough. Channel (16) and her boyfriend N. (20) want our room.

S. told dad that she’s going to move out until we find a place, but after all it played out I think that was full of bullshit.

So here I am for the 4th time in a year we are moving. Where originally we moved in with dad because he said he would help us out by getting us out of very BAD situation, letting us pay off our debt and save money for a down payment on a house. For 3 months I took over the bills for the house because dad didn’t have the money. But he had money to get married, buy a ridiculous dog, fly S. up to Oahu when he is working, buy a new SUV, and spoil Channel. After feeling used I only paid half without saying anything. So thanks dad for not keeping up your end.

For almost 2 weeks its constant texts (because that’s the only way he talks to me) of “Did you find a place yet?” and “When will you be moving?”

Remind me to buy you a shovel for Christmas dad.

He’s already been asking me about my sister too – she moved back in onto grandparents side about 4 weeks ago – asking what she is planning on doing and leaving. She moved in because mentally she isn’t sound, she’s really mixed up in the head and in dire need of family support. Channel already told her to not use the downstairs bathroom, Channel stares Roxanne down till she leaves and pretty much summed up that Roxanne shouldn’t use the living room because her room is on the Grandparent’s side. WTF!? So before Dad gets a hold of Roxanne since he has yet to talk to her since she’s been here my sister is coming to live with us.

To hold true to my “No Bad Days” I have been sticking to finding the good in even the crappiest situation. We are moving into a 2bed, 1 bath, 0.23 acre lot HOUSE for only $850/month. So it’s cheap enough that we can still save up money for a house. It also grants us privacy and a place of our own. It sucks that we may lose a dad in the process.

To get dad and S. off our case we are dishing out a lot of money really fast to get absolute needs of furniture and living necessities. We are literally moving like mad people and rushing.

I have come to the conclusion that this depressed state I am in is because I am living at home. Because I’m living at home with S. and Channel.

Preston and I have been good though. He’s been amazingly supportive and loving. Preston has been incredibly understanding and has been trying to get me out of this rut. I feel just having that support has helped up grow closer together and deeper in love. That’s kind of cheesy, but true. His friends will be helping us a great deal moving the bigger items and literally going house to house picking up the furniture I have bought over Craigslist. I’m quite grateful for Preston and his friends.

Nyx has been doing awesomely too. His crying has been getting worse and it drives me up the wall crazy and mad. I just don’t have the patience to deal with crying caused by nothing. He whines about everything. He wakes up he cries, he’s too lazy to turn on the water himself he cries, he can’t put his slippers on he cries, he sweats he cries, etc. It’s frustrating. So my temper has gotten the better side of me lately. I feel bad, but I don’t it’s weird. We are trying to work something out, but I can’t wait for this phase to pass.

Kindergarten will be done soon. First week of June I do believe. Then he will be doing Summer camp for 8 weeks while I’m working. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. I’m scared. lol. He already hates waking up early and going to school. I can’t believe I have 12+ years of this ahead of me. But I can’t honestly say I’m not looking forward to every second of it.

He’s writing paragraphs, adding and subtracting, spelling, reading, becoming a leader, and completely independent. I want my baby back!

There are good points and there are bad points in my life, but I feel like I have make the good points more often. Where as before it felt like the good points came to me. Like it just happened and it was a beautiful when those great points in your life happened, but as I am growing older I feel like I have to make these events happen. I have to think upon this and leave it for a later entry. I need to head to bed and try to get a good nights rest.

PS I may not update my blog often, but I update my twitter everyday almost all day.





Not one to shy away.

24 03 2009

If you know you have something, not afraid to share, and work through it some how does that mean you don’t really have it?

I make no sense. Starting from scratch.

I know I have my limits, we all have limits and I do believe I truly found mine.

I like to think I handle stress quite well. I strive off of stress. In fact some of my best work has been done under immense stress, little time, insanity and chaos. I might have shed a few tears in the process, but I was always happy and anxious to see the end. Not for it to just be over, but to see my work, my progress, myself. These last few months have truly tested me. Bad things happening left and right. The head honcho of my tripod moved back home, my boss left for the Philippines for almost 2 months (I was acting lead for that time), BOTH my incredibly expensive systems blew up, grown men bitching and complaining about *gasp* doing their own work, and a GTM that probably wants to ram a broom stick down my throat. Yeah, it wasn’t a nice few months.

I’m dead serious about blowing up too. One system shorted itself when due to heavy rains. Water and electronics don’t mix. The next week because of crappy weather was struck with lightning. I really am not kidding with this bad juju on me. 😦

So a third party, I like to call Worm, comes in to help. He is a sexist know-it-all arrogant asshole. I’m trying to be as nice as I can. So I have to work side by side with him getting both my systems up and running. I’d say I have about 6 more months of him.

With everything happening at work, family issues aren’t all that great either.

Preston and I, well…… what can I say although we were officially unofficially engaged we are now officially officially unengaged. Don’t mistake that as we aren’t together, take it as the jerk isn’t ready to get married because it’s too soon. Many of arguments, bucket fulls of tears, tons of disgust I accepted it. Pretty don’t count on getting married to him ever, although he will correct me and tell me he will marry me. Just on his time and there is no compromise. He has a vicious cycle of looking at this I’ll show you.

Able for us to get married this criteria has to be met:

We need to make our relationship stronger —— how? ——- By not arguing about our debt and money issues ——— So we need to pay off our loans and credit cards —— Ok I paid off $12000 on my debt ——– he got more debt and just bought $1000 worth of computer parts ———- We need to buy a house first before we get married ——— We can’t get married with tons of debt ——– So we have to pay off the house first? ——— No, but we need to get rid of some of our debt  ——- he buys more useless crap——– we argue about HIS money situation and we are back at the beginning ———— I argue about his selfishness and then it comes to well he’d like us to travel a bit more before we settle down ——- lose/lose for me.

I established although I love Preston a great deal we are never getting married. What do you know?! We aren’t allowed to have anymore kids until we are married. So there are two things I have accepted. 1) The circumstances will never be perfect for him, there is no compromise, so we are never going to get married.  2) Since no kids until marriage for Preston that means no more kids for me.

I can say it over and over again that I accept it, but deep down it bugs the shit out of me. I’m always fighting to not dig deep into this, but we have been together for nearly 4.5 years and there is no budging for him. I have given up. He’ll be my boyfriend forever, and that’s the peak of our relationship and like any depressed on the verge psycho girlfriend I want to rip his head off. I feel like I just wasted the last 4 years of my life creating this bond for nothing.

I won’t lie, but I have been thinking, “Is it too late to look for someone that is ready to settle down?”

I’ll come out and say it straight, our relationship is no where close to what it was. I am not talking about the whole new love fresh romance feeling. I’m talking about having this incredible bond and relationship with your best friend and lover. And it sucks.

I feel completely lost. There is so much conflict in my mind and heart that it’s completely overwhelming. Not to add I have my son to take care of.

Thank goodness Nyx hasn’t been giving me much grief. He’s been a bit more of a cry baby lately. Some days more than others. I don’t understand why he can’t verbally tell me whats wrong any more. He used to be so good at that, but he cries. He cries about EVERYTHING. I think it’s starting to show.

I don’t know anymore, I’m ending this. Can you tell life is crappy right now?





Ya know you are …..

5 11 2008

over it when you unpacked over half the boxes from your last move and now have to repack them again.

GRRR.

That’s all I can really say. This is taking forever.

Mode: Over it.

Thoughts: Just through it away or leave it for the next tenants.

Scratch that just burn it all.





Let’s MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!

3 11 2008

As of late, tons of things are going on. Friends going back to where they came from, friends falling out – maybe she’ll stop being a douche – friends moving house to house, we are moving house to house, birthday party to plan, parties to go to, Thanksgiving, garage sales, and let’s not forget Christmas shopping.

 

I’m exhausted already. We started packing yesterday actually. Up until then we were just looking at our stuff and making mental notes as to what to pack, what not to pack, what to sell, and what to keep. But yesterday actually marked the start of it all, we packed up most of our unused linens, all of our DVDs and video games, and some of our vast library of books. This does not include the years of car, pc and video games magazines.

 

We are putting most of our stuff into storage because my dad’s house surely can’t handle the pack rat mentality of my grandmother AND me. So as time goes on I’ll slowly take things out of storage and sort though. Psft not that it’s actually going to happen, but I can still say and hope it right? LoL.

 

Oh I guess I never mentioned it before, but I’m moving to my dad’s house. It sounds pretty sad, 24 years old, a 5 year old boy and her boyfriend moving back to her grandparents/dad’s house. But really it isn’t. I’m secretly stoked I get to move back home because I really miss my family. And although they don’t show it I know my family is pretty happy too, although I do get harassment for it.

 

We are planning on getting rid of our debt and then start saving for my ‘secret wedding’ – it’s a secret because Preston doesn’t quite know about it :/ – and our dream house. Put it this way, living the way we were was insane. Our income was around $4600/month, but our out was around $3800-4200/month. How the hell are we supposed to save? So now we will be living with my dad and savings TONS. So instead of the average $4000 we take over the cable/internet bill around $150 and split the rest of the utilities. So that’s about………$400/month. Savings of $4200/month. Which works out in both of our favor, dad gets some relief with bills, we pay next to nothing, and we all end up happy.

 

I have a feeling Preston is just going to end up splurging. Which he admitted and felt he justified by saying, “Well we deserve to buy a few nice things since we’ve been struggling the last year.” Yea, ok, whatever hun.

 

But with everything going on I can’t wait till December. This month is jam packed with tons of things. To top it off I can’t really take off from work this whole month. Everyone put in their requests for leave back in March so when it came around July/August my boss said no additional requests for November. Which left only me, so I may get lucky on slow days – hopefully the 10th, 26th and 28th – to take off but I won’t know till the day before.

 

I just have to make do and hope for the best really. I really hope I don’t forget the most important thing yet. Nyx’s birthday, I haven’t started planning anything. It’s right around the corner and I’m still clueless as so what we should do.

Which reminded me about something, the other morning I woke up and Nyx was already wide eyed and playing in his room quietly. I wanted to spend some time with him before I left for work – it was a Saturday so I knew I wasn’t going to see him to till late afternoon – and we were talking about his birthday and Christmas where he then went into detail what he wanted. So I told him to write me a list, 2 actually one for me and one for Santa, as to what he wanted. But knowing my son he tends to forget these things just like his mom and dad and figured when I got home I would have to make the list with him. This is fine I always look forward to those things.

 

Well lo and behold I come home with this drawing and list on my desk. Preston and Nyx were both down for a nap when I got home from work so I had no one to jump with glee with. I wish I had taken a picture of it for right now. But on it Nyx wrote Hot Wheels, drew a picture of what he wanted, and his first and last name. I was in awe that he remembered and to be honest I thought the list was going to be longer.

 

When they both woke up I told Nyx thank you and that I wouldn’t forget. Then turned to Preston to tell him thank you for helping Nyx, in which he replied, “I didn’t help him. I thought he just drew you a random picture so I didn’t look at it and told him to put it on your desk.” I was just awestruck by that. My son did this by himself?!?! How does he know how to write Hot Wheels?!?! Either way I didn’t care, he’s growing up and he finds his own way to get things done.

 

In all we’ve been good. Things are changing at the work place, which means the old timers are scared because change isn’t good for them while we young guns know how to go with the flow and allow the change. It’s funny to watch though. But Preston and I are doing well, we hit a rough patch a little while ago but we are working through it and things seem real good. I’m sure it’s because of the stress of bills, moving, birthdays, and the holidays.

 

Nyx is excelling very well in school. He just had his first Halloween parade at school and was quite excited by all of it. We rarely have bad mornings now and his report card was awesomeness. Which matched his parent teacher conference.

 

To end it all, we hope November goes by real fast I can’t wait for that moment I can relax longer than a minute.