On the East Coast

31 05 2009

So the change of plan started on Friday. I originally didn’t want to go to work that day, but we did anyways. First thing in the morning I was told that our systems test for the The Company was bumped up head.Originally it was scheduled Saturday June 6th.

So it was bumped up a WHOLE DAMN WEEK!

Which on Friday that translated into needing to leave Saturday. I was completely, hell I still am not menatally and emotionally prepared to leave yet. Preston and I had a whole weekend set up for some quality time before I left. Friday night we were to go out to eat some sushi at a new restaraunt, watch Star Trek or Terminator, and cuddle up at home. Saturday night we were supposed to go out “dancing” at The Point. Sunday we were going to go kayaking.

I only got to do the sushi thing. I needed to pack and quickly shop for some “adult” professional clothes. That was a painful 3 hour ordeal. I didn’t finish packing until about an hour and half before my flight.

So I left home yesterday Saturday at 130pm.

First stop was San Francisco. The flight wasn’t too bad. It was PACKED. About 4 babies, 70% old people, and one asian guy. The old couple next to me weren’t that bad though. I sat aisle so I prepared myself for having to get up constantly, funny old people smells, and snoring. But that wasn’t the case. They weren’t mean, stayed out of my people and only got up once. Though it did scare me when the older lady started cracking hard boiled eggs and throwing the shells into her purse. I got about an hour of sleep, listened to my ipod and played my DS. In flight movie was Inkheart and Mall Cop. I only watched Mall Cop because it dawned on me I should use my headphones for that.

Just landed in San Francisco, now Im in line to board for Chicago

When I got to San Francisco I really didn’t expect it to be as cold as it was, but it was a real short lay over. That was another PACKED flight. I almost got lucky though. Amazingly the seat next to be wasn’t occupied. But I didn’t hold my breath too long for that luck. We still had about 5 minutes before they started to move and I was finally asked to move. There was a young dad and his daughter that had seperate seats. At first they asked this foreign guy carrying this 5 foot tube that occupied the empty seat next to him. He didn’t pay for that extra seat, but he sure as hell didn’t want to fork over his seat. So I gladly gave up my two seats. The little girl was gorgeous and the dad looked no older than me, how could I possibly say no?

Of course jerk off mainland people didn’t want to give up their seats either. When I was first looking for my seat the young dad was asking everyone and no one budged. But I figured I would have gotten the dad’s seat or girls seat. At the same time the flight attendents were trying to free up one row for them to sleep during the flight. So can you think of the last seat available for me?

Foreign guy next to me, at the far end was my original seat and the dad and daughter I gave my seat up for.

Next to the foreign guy, they litterally had to pry that 5foot tube away from him to put into the closet. Better yet I had to take the window seat. I’m claustrophic and unless its my significant other sitting next to me I HAVE to have an aisle sit. Just so I can have that feeling that I have an open space. The moment I sat down the foreign guy passed out, spread his legs open, and invaded my personal bubble. Damn guy! I couldn’t sleep. So I tried to watch the in flight movie, Bride Wars. I liked it, but made me a little sad about the fact I’m no engaged yet, another story. But from my view I had to lean a bit to my right to see the full screen and having the foreign guy trying to “cuddle” me was horrible.

I got a few hours of sleep, but by that time I was really regretting not finding our travel pillow. I had a stiff neck and really exhausted.

Just landed in Chicago OHare Airport. It was 530am.

Just landed in Chicago O'Hare Airport. It was 530am.

10+ hrs of traveling, 2 hr layover and 1 last flight left, I look like shit.

10+ hrs of traveling, 2 hr layover and 1 last flight left, I look like shit.

Then we touched down in Chicago, it was a little chilly, but not that bad. Local time it was 530am, Hawaii time I was 1130pm. Had a two hour layover and one hell of a long walk to the next terminal. Where I FINALLY passed Hudson News WITH TRAVEL PILLOWS. The guy I’m traveling with watched my stuff and I went back to pick up a travel pillow, Venti Passion Tea from Starbucks and sandwich. It took me about an hour to do all that. I was so tired just walking.

The Pretty Colors! On my way to my next terminal.

The Pretty Colors! On my way to my next terminal.

The toilets in Chicago trip me out. Plastic rotating covers. I still put papers down lol.

The toilets in Chicago trip me out. Plastic rotating covers. I still put papers down lol.

On my last flight the seat was the worst. I sat in the last row with the stiff backs that you can’t lay back. So me and the couple next to be put down our trays and passed out on that for the rest of the trip. I’m guessing they were as exhausted as I was.

Last flight for a couple weeks

Last flight for a couple weeks

When I finally got off in Buffalo, relieft just overwhelmed me. Local time it was 930am, my time it was 330am. I quickly got my bags, rushed to the car, flew to the hotel, ate a quick lunch and passed out for 6 hours. Which I think completely screwed me over.

When I finally got to my room it was about 1100ish and I was going to try to stay up as long as possible so I can pass out at 6pm. That didn’t work out too well. I woke up about 445pm wide awake and ready to go. It’s now 11:13 and there is nothing that’s going to make me pass out now.

Finally a bed to sleep in..

Finally a bed to sleep in..

Tomorrow I have a free day, The Worm I’m traveling with is meeting with his Company over meetings about My Company and I come into effect Tuessday. I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. Everything I want to do I’d want to do with someone else. Like Freddie’s Speedway, who wants to race go carts alone?! So I’m probably going to hit up the mall and find something for Nyx and Preston on his birthday. Which is tomorrow. 😦

Oh and my sister’s birthday, which is Wednesday. 😦

I wish I was tired. Maybe I’ll call back home.





Not one to shy away.

24 03 2009

If you know you have something, not afraid to share, and work through it some how does that mean you don’t really have it?

I make no sense. Starting from scratch.

I know I have my limits, we all have limits and I do believe I truly found mine.

I like to think I handle stress quite well. I strive off of stress. In fact some of my best work has been done under immense stress, little time, insanity and chaos. I might have shed a few tears in the process, but I was always happy and anxious to see the end. Not for it to just be over, but to see my work, my progress, myself. These last few months have truly tested me. Bad things happening left and right. The head honcho of my tripod moved back home, my boss left for the Philippines for almost 2 months (I was acting lead for that time), BOTH my incredibly expensive systems blew up, grown men bitching and complaining about *gasp* doing their own work, and a GTM that probably wants to ram a broom stick down my throat. Yeah, it wasn’t a nice few months.

I’m dead serious about blowing up too. One system shorted itself when due to heavy rains. Water and electronics don’t mix. The next week because of crappy weather was struck with lightning. I really am not kidding with this bad juju on me. 😦

So a third party, I like to call Worm, comes in to help. He is a sexist know-it-all arrogant asshole. I’m trying to be as nice as I can. So I have to work side by side with him getting both my systems up and running. I’d say I have about 6 more months of him.

With everything happening at work, family issues aren’t all that great either.

Preston and I, well…… what can I say although we were officially unofficially engaged we are now officially officially unengaged. Don’t mistake that as we aren’t together, take it as the jerk isn’t ready to get married because it’s too soon. Many of arguments, bucket fulls of tears, tons of disgust I accepted it. Pretty don’t count on getting married to him ever, although he will correct me and tell me he will marry me. Just on his time and there is no compromise. He has a vicious cycle of looking at this I’ll show you.

Able for us to get married this criteria has to be met:

We need to make our relationship stronger —— how? ——- By not arguing about our debt and money issues ——— So we need to pay off our loans and credit cards —— Ok I paid off $12000 on my debt ——– he got more debt and just bought $1000 worth of computer parts ———- We need to buy a house first before we get married ——— We can’t get married with tons of debt ——– So we have to pay off the house first? ——— No, but we need to get rid of some of our debt  ——- he buys more useless crap——– we argue about HIS money situation and we are back at the beginning ———— I argue about his selfishness and then it comes to well he’d like us to travel a bit more before we settle down ——- lose/lose for me.

I established although I love Preston a great deal we are never getting married. What do you know?! We aren’t allowed to have anymore kids until we are married. So there are two things I have accepted. 1) The circumstances will never be perfect for him, there is no compromise, so we are never going to get married.  2) Since no kids until marriage for Preston that means no more kids for me.

I can say it over and over again that I accept it, but deep down it bugs the shit out of me. I’m always fighting to not dig deep into this, but we have been together for nearly 4.5 years and there is no budging for him. I have given up. He’ll be my boyfriend forever, and that’s the peak of our relationship and like any depressed on the verge psycho girlfriend I want to rip his head off. I feel like I just wasted the last 4 years of my life creating this bond for nothing.

I won’t lie, but I have been thinking, “Is it too late to look for someone that is ready to settle down?”

I’ll come out and say it straight, our relationship is no where close to what it was. I am not talking about the whole new love fresh romance feeling. I’m talking about having this incredible bond and relationship with your best friend and lover. And it sucks.

I feel completely lost. There is so much conflict in my mind and heart that it’s completely overwhelming. Not to add I have my son to take care of.

Thank goodness Nyx hasn’t been giving me much grief. He’s been a bit more of a cry baby lately. Some days more than others. I don’t understand why he can’t verbally tell me whats wrong any more. He used to be so good at that, but he cries. He cries about EVERYTHING. I think it’s starting to show.

I don’t know anymore, I’m ending this. Can you tell life is crappy right now?





For future reference

23 01 2009

One must  never….

 

Read the rest of this entry »





For the love, not the money.

21 01 2009

Which then did turn into for the money, not the love.

I could have sworn I loved my job. I loved that no matter how much of a handicapI was compared to everyone else I dominated. I loved the challenges. I loved learning new things everyday. I loved teaching the old dogs my new tricks. I loved everything about it.

Now I hate it. I work hard to make the money and get the hell out for the weekend. There are challenges, there are new things everyday, there are so many opportunities, but The Worm kills it all.

Side Note: The Worm is in terms of my/our departments GTM counter part. He bites ass.

I understand only wanting excellence and perfection. I understand that when things go south it fucking sucks and you will get mad, but seriously he takes it to a whole other level.

In the past 3 weeks I’ve been finding it really hard to have “No Bad Days” because of him. I want to pull my  hair out the moment I step into the office. He makes it this bad. I always had my supervisor that interacted with The Worm, but since he is gone I have to. Before I never understand why the guys disliked him so much.

The Worm has a cute baby face. He always smells good. He’s tall and for a 40-something really cute. But then he opens his mouth and you want to shove a paper bag of dog shit down his throat. I’m sorry, that’s mean I know, but he makes me so mad.

I do my best at everything I do, I work hard, I get things down way before the deadline yet it’s never good enough. He talks down to me like I’m 12. My work never feels appreciated.

Sure over the past week or so my incredibly over priced system kind of caught fire, but it was due to the heavy heavy rains the last several weeks and I can’t control mother nature. I’m sorry I wasn’t breathing down everyone’s neck when they turned the system on and didn’t make them open the enclosure to check for water. Because frankly we never had that issue before. I’m sorry I didn’t turn it on personally, I was busy do yours and my boss’ endless paperwork and calls. I’m sorry. I’m sorry our parts are still away at the manufacturer’s and I can’t fix it right away this minute, but I can’t force people I don’t know to work on my equipment in New York, Texas, and Isreal I just don’t know them. I’m sorry I’m not my boss and the only female in the department. I’m sorry.

Mr. Worm you are like a 24/7 period, a walking PMS. Midol just doesn’t kill it.

But give me a break, I’m the only employee that is willing to bend to your whim and get it done when and how you want it. I’m the only employee that with a snap of a finger I will fly to whatever part of the world you want me to to get training on anything you want. I’m the only employee that doesn’t talk back and doesn’t stare you down. I’m the only employee that seriously wants to cry everytime you yell at me, but I don’t.

Lay off. Please. I want to love my job again.





Disappointment

20 01 2009

Pretty much feels like a stab in a back while having your head runned over by a semi.

That’s how I feel right now. My boss is supposed to come back to work today, which is supposed to mean no more playing boss. But no. I called him and he sounded like he just woke up. He wasn’t coming in, if didn’t call him I don’t think he would have told me.

Ass.

So I’m left to deal with things again. The stress came flooding right back in. I like being a leader, but I hate being talked down to by the higher up leaders. Grr.

If he’s not in tomorrow I’m bailing for the rest of the week.





TGIAF

15 01 2009

Thank God It’s Almost Friday

My boss has been on vacation for nearly a month now. As of the 19th it will be a month.

I swear if he ever leaves this long again I will blow a freaking gasket.

I am the only female of 5 guys in the shop and additional 5 guys under the same department different location. Not to add I am also the youngest. Oldest being close to if not already 70yrs. old.

My boss was gracious enough to leave me in charge. I get the bonus lead pay, a whomping $1.50+/hr., I take over administrative duties – plus my own – and deal with everything that comes our way. I thought it would be ok. I thought I would be ok.

OMFG!! JUST SHOOT ME!!!

DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR FUCKING  MOTHER?!?!?!

NO!

DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE?!?!

NO!

DO I HAVE WALK ALL OVER ME STAMPED ON MY HEAD!?

NO!

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING SARCASM?!

NO!

Can you tell I’m upset?

3 weeks now. 3 weeks of nonstop paperwork, constant and endless phone calls, foreigns needing answers to everything and if by chance the answer is we don’t support this the GTM supervisor comes back with “well find a way that we can.” I have a crying 50-something year old man that bitches like a 5 year old – no offense Nyx.

But seriously he has a track record of having his wife call in so he doesn’t have do certain things at work. He pulled off getting a hernia operation so he didn’t have to travel for work, and bitched and moaned when he actually had to take responsibility when the department engineer quit.

Yea, I get that engineers work too.

I’m tired. Aggravated. Pissed.

To add insult to injury my boss extended his vacation till next Tuesday, he was supposed to be back on the 13th. The GTM supervisor has this whole God trip going on and I just want to bail already.

There’s just so much. Now I know none of the guys are giving me a hard time on purpose they are seriously like this everyday, just that I never had to deal with it as a supervisor. My biggest gripe, they are fucking grown men that can’t take care of anything, better yet they’ve been working here WAY longer than me and don’t know what the hell is up. Me sitting her explaining everything from start to finish, at least 4 times, calling constantly to make sure they are on it, having to watch their every move so nothing breaks and having to do my own work too.

I’m about 3 weeks behind in my own work.

I need a vacation.





Have I hit rock bottom yet?

19 09 2008

So yesterday I was suffering from a cold, horrible sinus headaches, and above all I HAD to go to work. Which is fine I wasn’t completley out of it and it’s not like I had tons of vacation or sick leave anyways. I go to work on a mission to accomplish as much as I possibly can because I knew I was going to be really lame today and not want to do anything.

I push everyone to work hard, get a lot done, and overall just make the boss happy. Things were going smooth. I mean really smooth. Smooth enough for Bryson to say “Things are going too smooth something’s going to happen to fuck it all up.” I swear he jinxed it all.

Only had a couple hours till quiting time. Things were going great. I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but hopefully enough I can give you a good enough idea.

On of the my systems needed to be reworked, meaning it needed corrosion control and new paint job. So were taking it down and prepping it for some good maintenance loving. Bryson and I were sitting up top, about a good 20 feet or so above ground. Richard, Quincy, Stanley down below – still 4 feet above the ground – manning things from below. Now mind you I am the leading person for this system so I was watching out for everyone’s safety. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt under my watch – see where I am going with this yet?

Got all the bolts out, secured to the cables and ready to be lowered. Except one problem it wasn’t budging. I stood up a little to look over all the bolt sections to make sure we didn’t leave one in. The moment I did that – BOOM !!!!!! – it falls. At that moment I jumped back, but my right foot was still hanging over and the nice 600-700 lbs ‘object’ fell on my foot that was laying side ways. And continued it’s way down till the cables tightened. But sadly, in that process my coworker Stanley got hurt too. He was standing right below me. He tried to hold it up, but that was a fruitless endeavor, the moment he could jump off he did.

I cried. I hate crying at work.

I work with a bunch of guys….. I was honestly waiting for one of them to jokingly say “Suck it up Danni.” Graciously they didn’t. They made sure I was ok. Well in some sense. They made sure no bleeding. Continued to lower the ‘object’ because I wanted them too. If it stayed int he position it was bound to injure someone else. I couldn’t have that on my conscious.

I attempted to calm myself down, and reassess my situation. !. My foot may be broken. 2. How the hell am I supposed to climb down 20 some odd feet? 3. Damn Bryson jinxed this. 4. How am I supposed to pick up my son? 5. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.

Priorities aren’t always there. lol.

Nonetheless, a scissors lift was called to my rescue. I was carried down and the ambulance was called for me.

Now the EMTs. I have a bone to pick with them. Now thankfully I wasn’t dying, but if I was I’d be dead by the time they figured out how to work the stupid fucking gurney. It took them what felt like forever to figure how to get it into the back of the ambulance. They took forever figuring how to place my splint. The whole ride about 10 mins to figure how to take my blood pressure with an eletronic one and then manually the guy was hopeless. Thank god it was only my leg.

When I finally got to the emergency room I was a little more calm. I was doing my best to keep myself in a good safe area of my mind. I mean come on I was cracking jokes so no one feels depressed about the situation. I had white paint on my face because I was crying face down. When I sat up Quincy thought I got wake by said ‘object’ in the face, I wasn’t, but I said it was camoflauge. While on the gurney I told bryson, “Fail.”

If others are stressed and worried, it really heightens my anxiety and worries too.

I sat in the ER, trying to laugh, trying to be calm, just ….. trying. The nurse was kind of helful she was funny-ish. She stabbed me in the butt with a pain killer so that she can take my shoe off without me screaming bloody murder. The butt stab I have to say hurt more than my foot. It burned more like it. I got some x-rays and my first cat scan ever. Then given another stab in the arm, tetanus shot. I couldn’t remember the last time I got one. Damn nurse I swear she just wanted to keep stabbing me.

The pain killer, which I think she said was depheral(?) – was really strong and apparently I am really really REALLY sensitive to it. I was out of it and completely loopy. Minus 2 coworkers they call came down to see Stanley and I, Stanley was in the room across from me.

So anyways going off topic, sort of, the out come. I should count my blessings because I am damn lucky I didn’t break anything. Better yet didn’t fracture anything. As it stands I have some internal swelling that is keeping me from feelings my toes. It still hurts like a mofo, but I still have my foot and when things are all healed up it’ll still work. 🙂

Stanley is well took, he has some back and shoulders pains and will be followed up with a doctor appointment sooner or later. I didn’t want to wait till Monday so I made a follow up this afternoon with Dr. P. I might just have to be out for a couple days.

Here’s an even shittier part, I just found out about 20 mins ago that all that work, the injury of two workers, this was all done for nothing. We were just told that the sand blaster guys found out their equipment doens’t work today. WTF!?? They knew we were going to be doing this today, they should have started checking their equipment last week.

SOOOOO when I go back to work, we have to put it all back together. How FUBAR is that?!?!

Here’s another crappy thing to add to my list of this month.  I’m trying to figure out what I did to have karma come back at me like this.