Finally coming to terms

31 07 2008

Today we had our final meeting with Nyx’s teacher, Mrs. T., we brought in his huge list of school supples. Practically all labeled. Minus labeling all 104 crayons. I was totally over that!

Doesn’t mean I didn’t having anything to label. I had 4 bottles of glue, 4 bottles of hand soap, 4 boxes of 10 markers, 2 glue sticks, 2 sets of paints, 24 sharpened pencils, 3 shirts, and a load of other things. We got to let out all the final questions. Questions that have been driving me up the wall crazy. I’m extremely paranoid so I asked ALL the “what if” questions. And amazingly she answered them all. Even Preston’s interrogation questions too.

She really put my mind at ease. She’s incredibly nice to. Better yet she has a daughter going to the same school. Though from the looks of it she’s a couple years older. Nyx also has 2 other, possibly 3, friends from Pre-k in the same class and that’s even better for him. And me.

I got the whole bus thing situated, so he gets to start riding the bus from the first day. Another great fear of mine, but his other Pre-k friends will be riding the bus to the same place as him, so once again he won’t be alone.

I signed him up for the after school youth center, which is free by the way. Had our tour of the place yesterday and Nyx is looking forward to it. Actually he’s been looking forward to going to the youth center for the last year. So yey all around!

And the last thing on my list was the school lunch thing. I thought it was going to be expensive, so I was going to apply for reduced/free lunch, looked at the chart and realized I don’t make the cut. Apparently for a family of 2 I make too much. (Note I’m not rubbing it in your face just stating a fact). So I went on ahead and just put $100 on his lunch card for now. The lunch is $1.25. Pretty cheap I think. So I don’t think Preston and I will bother applying for the reduced/free lunch. I’m sure there is another family that would like our place anyways. Even if we did try with our combined income they’d probably laugh at us for trying to apply anyways. Not a big deal.

During our interview with Mrs. T Nyx got to tour his new classroom. The nice MAC computers, the pretend center, the desks, practically everything. So the greatest ease on my mind is seeing the excitement in Nyx’s eyes. Everything out of his mouth has to deal with Kindergarten. So if he is excited, then I should be too. I don’t want by paranoid/negative vibes to affect him. I want to keep him on this path of wanting to learn.

After the interview I decided to take the rest of the day off. Relax and get things organized. My great-grandmother passed away a week ago and her funeral is this coming Saturday. I have lots of family flying in and they all want to spend some time together. I hardly see them and I think half of them hardly know Nyx exists. Not that they exclude me from their lives, simply that I don’t communicate with them. Nothing is wrong with my aunt, just never had a strong bond with them.

Anyways, there are 4 Great Great Grandchildren and the family want them to play a role in the ceremony. So I’ve been preparing Nyx for that. He’s never attended a funeral before. So I hope he’ll be respectful and follow directions.

In the end, I wish I could have known my Great Grandmother better. I’ve met her a couple times, but I don’t really have a bond with her. It got me thinking, thinking things I should have done a long time ago, I should rebuild my relationship with my grandmother. She is an amazing person. Very funny and I want my son to have a good relationship with her. She’s great and healthy so I know she’ll be around for a long time more. My grandfather is still here too, but has been in and out of the hospital the last year or so. And I know my grandma will make sure he stays as long as she does.

So tonight my WHOLE family is having dinner at my Aunt’s house, N. I never met N. in fact I didn’t know she existed till an hour ago when we were told ordered to go from grandma through dad.

Nyx is taking a nap and this is my opportunity to play with my Wii Fit, DDR, or maybe even *gasp* clean.

I do know something about my Great-Grandmother though, she’s 4 years older than my grandma. 😐

My Many Visual Transformations

28 06 2008

I just realized this after post an excerpt on Cafemom, I know I like to cut my hair, but I really didn’t know how often. Or even how much till this post.

Over the course of 3 years I’ve had 3 dramatic hair cuts. Sure I get a trim here and there, but 3 major cuts each year since 2005. Here’s your visual: (FYI: It’s pretty picture intensive)

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Climbing my saddle.

2 06 2008

I’m not quite back on the saddle yet. But climbing.

I saw my surgeon, Dr. J on friday. Apparently, whatever is holding my incisions closed is dis-solvable ? So he just looked at it was happy and sent me on my merry way.

Which my merry way was jumping on a plane and spending the weekend on Oahu. It was fun-ish. Might I add the first time we went to Oahu and DIDN’T go to a strip club. Not that it matters, but we always go. I think it was because Preston’s friends we went with are kept and a pretty tight leash. Did lots of shopping, mostly for Nyx though. Went to Dave and Busters. Finally got to check out the swap meet at Aloha Stadium.

I’m never staying at the Pagoda ever again. Preston’s friend A. chose the hotel. It smelt bad, crappy rooms, uncomfortable beds, it was all around bad.

We didn’t go to the Ice Palace, even though that was the first place we wanted to hit. I choose going to the swap meet for the first time over kicking Preston’s ass in ice skating. But now that I’ve been there the swap meet is a must when we go to Oahu now.

We came back late yesterday afternoon, oh yesterday was Preston’s 24th birthday too (I bought him an iPod), and anxiously waited for Nyx to come home. I love bring home presents for him. His face is just amazing when he gets anything.

I should get off my lazy but and post pictures, but I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

As for now I still have 2 weeks of TDI. I return back to work on the 16th. So I should be doing something productive.  But here I am glued to the laptop.  I’m feeling loads better. I almost feel like I’m 100%, but then I get that sharp pain in my abdomen to remind me, “that just because you looked healed on the outside it takes longer to heal on the inside.” So I’m more or less 85% right now.

At least I don’t feel like I need someone to hold me when I want to stand, sit or lay.

Since I have all this time on my hands now, still, I think I shall run off and start planning Nyx’s birthday. It’s a big one this year.

It’s not jealousy, believe me.

24 05 2008

I just seem to be full of complaints today.

OK only 2 complaints, but complaints nonetheless.

Maybe it’s just me, maybe a select few, but I have a very set way of what a family is in my mind.

Families don’t keep things from each other. They are open and honest. Families do what they can to be there for you. Even it’s it not physically they call, check in on you,  or even send stupid text messages. Families aren’t second best to anything. When you take away the materialist superficial things all you have left is your family and friends that might as well be your freaking family.

You get the gist, I really could go on.

But lately, my sister has been grinding on my nerves.

I mean 100 grit sandpaper grinding. 😐

Since my brother and his girlfriend moved away we knew they were going to be coming back to visit. We found out months ahead of time they were coming in May. We knew many weeks ahead of time the days they would be here. Now before my surgery I made sure I had some days off to spend some time with them. Time I could put forth the effort to see them and do something.

Now since I’m kind of stuck in my house they have been gracious and understanding enough to hang out at the house with us. Spend some time with the nephew, Nyx, BBQ, watch some movies, play some games, and in generally spend some good quality time together.

But my sister? She spent maybe one day. All she did was rave on and on to people about how our brother and his girlfriend were going to come back to visit. Always reminding anyone, even me, that she was taking off two weeks to hang out with them. Sending text messages about how important we, her family, were to her. How we need to spend more time together so we aren’t like our mom. Yada yada yada.

So my brother and his girlfriend have been here for a week. They leave on the 28th. She hasn’t taken off. In fact she’s taking off for a week or so the day he LEAVES so she can spend time with the not-girlfriend-girlfriend’s family.

Sure I’m pretty understanding that she works two jobs. I let that go, but it’s not like she works both jobs everyday. The night she could have come out hang out we were blown off because she “had a meeting with the girlfriend.” When do you have meetings with your significant other?

I brushed it off.

But I’m coming to realize it’s more than that. It’s more than her not spending time with out brother who we aren’t going to see for a while and hardly will. It’s more than her not spending time with me.

It was finally brought to my attention, which I always thought but never believed or wanted to say, my sister is a horrible compulsive liar.

She makes up insane stories sometimes. LOTS of people always believe her and we, family and friends, have to hear about from other people and we know it’s full of SHIT.

She told people the reason why our brother was coming down was to get married. WTF.

When we confront her about her lies she adds on to them. We don’t say anything about it anymore, we just let it go and let her look and sound like a loony. But it’s those lies that drive me insane and I just somehow never made that connection.

I hate it even more when she tells some bullshit about our own family. I got her Myspacing a message about how “our dad doesn’t even know how to be a real dad yet. She can’t drive any where because she crashed the grandparents car. My dad can get us any alcohol we want because he doesn’t care.”

A) My dad does care, sometimes doesn’t know how to show it.

B)  She doesn’t even have a license or know how to drive.

C) My grandparents aren’t even crazy enough to let ME borrow it, let alone her?

She asks for advice, I know she doesn’t care about and ALWAYS replies with “That’s what I said!” Which is bullshit about 99% of the time. That 1% is rare and really far between.

I hate hearing from people that have been my friends 5 times longer than they ever knew my sister ask me about things she says. Especially about our dark past and family problems.

I personally don’t like to hang our dirty laundry out for everyone.  But she loves the attention she gets.

Brings me to issue 2. We – I will not say who that consists of – have come to general consensus that she hurts herself on purpose to gain attention and sympathy pains. I no longer care what she does. I know she isn’t a cutter, so I don’t worry.

But drives me over the cliff insane is the fact that she thinks we are completely stupid to her stupid games and she doesn’t realize she’s doing it all day every day.

She’s like the early stages of our mother.

People who don’t think she’s like that think I’m insanely jealous. That I want her attention. I want her life.

Sorry people, I like being honest, I hate attention, I enjoy NOT looking like Jack the Skeleton King, I love having curves and boobs, and I’m not an attention whore.

I don’t know what to say to her anymore. It all sounds like lies and she turns herself in the victim.

I just want to bitch slap her sometimes.

Snail Status

22 05 2008

That’s me! Snail Status.

When I sit up straight it feels like I’m ripping the staples and so I hunch. Which in turn is killing my back. Every step feels like a struggle, but Bob help me I can’t just sit in one place. It hurts to lay down, it hurts to sit, and it definitely hurts to stand. So what am I to do?

Nothing much.

Just take my vicodin and hope for the best really. I”m quite amazed by Preston and Nyx.

Preston has really been awesome. He’s taken everything by the reigns and I must admit he’s doing an ok job on staying on top of things. Well minus the dishes. I just did them. I knew if I didn’t they’d sit there just one more day. And besides I feel like eating on my dishes rather than the paper plates. 😛

Nyx, man what can I not say?!?! He’s been spectacular. I really can’t wait for baby number 2. He’s been helping me get up off the bed, couch, floor, anything really. He helps me lay down. He opens the car door for me and closes it when I’m buckled in. He holds my hand and really does his best to support me while I walk. He asks me if I need anything and is quite quick to get things done before he gets back to play or watching cartoons. It’s just really amazing.

They both have their sense of humor of it all though. They both know I can’t laugh because it hurts and I start to cry after a few giggles. Yes it’s that bad. But when Nyx is walking with me he jokes and tells me to jog. He starts jogging in place and laughs. Preston well he tries to make me laugh because he knows it hurts. But then tries to get me to stop laughing when I start tearing up. Grr to them both.

I turned in the last of TDI papers for work and my timesheet. Which Preston gave me ample scoldings to leaving the house. I needed to do something. in all I’m doing a bit better compared to last several days.

I didn’t sleep much today. Thank BOB! I was getting sick of sleeping already. I slept practically the last two days away. I’m able to eat solids again. But sadly I haven’t been really hungry. I had half a spam musubi the other day. Half a container of tofu today, but not much more than that.

Sucks too because I feel like I could eat all these things, but then I’d rather stare at it than eat it. Weird.

In other news, J didn’t pick Nyx up from school today. Mrs. S called us at 5:15pm to let us know that Nyx still hasn’t been picked up and wanted to know if J was supposed to pick him up. Of course he was, but we went instantly to get him. We got there at 5:25pm and J still was no where in site, not even a phone call or text. I’m not complaining though. I don’t mind a free weekend. It’s his loss and my ultimate gain. 🙂 Is there an evil smiley? >:)

It’s now 734pm and still no word, oh well. Preston is cooking dinner and Nyx has no complaints. Honestly I don’t care to call anymore. I called once, no answer, at least I tried. More than I wanted to do. Or care to do.

That’s really it for now. I’m going to go Google some stuff of a Toyota Prius. Before my surgery I was listening to CNN and over heard that gas prices of the next couple years might/will be pushing the $10/gallon mark. So aiming for green and save dough is our goal.

The worst is not even over!

22 05 2008

This is a really long and boring story. It’s not even well written. I’m on pain killers and before I forget I threw everything up in hopefully the right order. At least the order I remember it in.

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19 05 2008

…in less than 12 hours I will no longer be the owner of a gallbladder.

Yep I’m scared.

In less than 1 hour I can’t eat or drink anything until Lordy knows when.

Yep I’m pissed.

In over 2 weeks, I’ll return back to work full time.

Yep I’m stoked.

In less than 1 day my ass will be glued to my couch catching up on my video games, studying and tv.

Yep I’m completely stoked.

And in less than a month I will gain about 10lbs for being a 2 week long bum.

Yep I’m a fatty fat fat.