Made good on my promise and some other stuffs

22 06 2009

Now when I say I’m going to do something to make it up to them, I always keep my word. Which says a lot because my intentions are always good, but sometimes I can’t always keep every promise. Though I try my absolute best to all the time.

Getting back into the flow of work wasn’t so bad. When I came back my coworker Wanksta also came back from Okinawa, he was also on a trip for The Company, he brought back some cool JDM gifts for me. Even what we like to call the Rice Patty hat, which was the coolest gift ever.

But this weekend to make up for my absence and so Dustin and Kayla can return home saying they did something weird, I made plans to go tubing down the old cane road irrigation ditches. Now that does sound dirty, but it really isn’t. It was actually pretty laid back, fun, a great history lesson, and some great scenery.

The crappiest part of it all?

Waking up at 6am when we all went to bed around 1am or so. I was surprised my fat ass actually got up. Needless to say no one else was very happy. It’s a good thing it’s only up the road from our house.

I saw parts of our paradise “back yard” I never knew existed. The tour was awesome. The ride was pretty cool. Water wasn’t nearly as cold as I thought and hoped it would be. The only down side, was the damn disrespectful tourists that were on the tour with us. In end everyone had fun and we had yet another great memory together.

Sadly, my brother leaves tomorrow. 😦 So tonight we went out to dinner to stuff our faces full of sushi.

I remember when my brother first moved to the island. It was about 3 years ago, the siblings and I went to go eat Genki Sushi one afternoon and I picked up an ahi nigiri plate. Of course I asked my brother if he wanted some. His reply?

“Oh no I only eat tuna.”

Yea………. Ahi = Tuna. DER!

He did try and he loved it. Since then he’s opened up to a lot of sushi stuffs. My sister too.

Now Preston on the other hand…… I have to force it down his throat.

When I first met him I knew he was a mama’s boy. He NEVER ate what he should, aka veggies, he picked apart everything so he only ate the meat, aka chicken ceasar salads, and heaven forbids he eats a damn raw tomato.

I’ve gotten him out of his shell to atleast try everything once. So sushi, it’s slowly growing on him.

It grew enough on him to try Uzura – quail egg – sushi. Now I will admit quail egg somewhat made me shiver and I gagged, but if it’s on the menu someone must have thought it was tasty and I should give it a try. But why not make Preston try with me too?!?! I love torturing him, birthday or not. 🙂

Anyways, dinner was fun. It was long and service took ages, but we had fun. So much to talk about and literally very little time to do it in.

After dinner we came back home where 3 days prior I stole Naomi’s recipe for fried ice cream and made us some gourmet desserts. Which Nai everyone loved thank you for the recipe. I tried to soak up as much of my brother and his girlfriend as I could.

If I’m lucky I get to see them once a year, I should get our asses up there to see them some time.

I have to say though, some way and some how I always find a way to not really say goodbye. When I figure it out I’ll let you know. But some how I get away without the teary eyed farewells. Simply because I am a very attached person, I hate goodbyes, I hate seeing my loved ways leave to somewhere so damn far away.

I think I must end this entry, I have to say it has to be one of my long overdue scattered brained entries. I was wondering when it was going to show up.

So I leave with more pictures!!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

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Home Bound, Finally.

14 06 2009

It’s great to escape every once and awhile. To completely take yourself out of your 24/7 routine and environment and throwing yourself somewhere new. Especially some where you don’t know where you are going, what you’ll be doing, and just taking it one moment at a time.

I’ve loved the last 6 days with Naomi and Devin. We did so much, in a sense it was almost a blur, a fun blur though. They moved away a few years ago to further their lives, better their careers, and to grow into even more amazing people. When I was sitting at the terminal I was missing them already, but I know I”ll see them soon enough. (I might be back to Buffalo in September.)

There was someone I missed even more, my son. I called him every chance I got. I damn near had a heart attack my first night away courtesy of my ex-husband. But when he was home safe with Preston my heart was at ease. Temporarily. I missed him. I cried like a big baby. Guilt fell on my heart.

I didn’t tell him I was going to New York when I left, simply told him I was going away for work, and I’ll be back before he knows it. He’s been wanting to go back to New York ever since we left in January 2008. But due to budget and time I couldn’t afford it, especially since The Company moved my flight up a whole week. Nonetheless I never told Nyx where I went. I was afraid he’d be really upset.

Eventually the smart boy he is found out where I was. It went exactly like this,

Nyx: Mom I know where you are…….

Me: Where am I honey?

Nyx: You’re in NEW YORK! That’s not fair, you went twice. I went only one time.

Me: I’m sorry, but maybe when I come out again you can come. There won’t be snow though.

Nyx: I want to go when there is snow. I’ll wait till there is snow.

I guess I shouldn’t have overreacted, I should have just told him. But he wasn’t too bothered. He knew, he accepted it, then he made sure I brought back lots of presents for him. More specifically he wanted his Naruto ninja outfit with shurikens and sais.

I have to say, which I am sure is common knowledge, it is so much easier to fly west than it is to fly east. The flights didn’t feel so long, the layovers were short, before I knew it I was hope again. Here’s the funny thing, I had to get back to work the very next day. No time to really recover from jet lag. I landed around 730pm, home around 830pm and was straight to bed. I seriously surprised myself when I woke up at 530am and was ready to get to work.

We NEVER wake up on time to get to work.

Saturday was the samething, I woke up at 630am ready to get the day started. I was a mad woman. Preston really just wanted to knock me out. Even though I love vacationing, I have to say with all the stress and headaches I really enjoy being home the most.

What is even better, my brother Dustin and his girlfriend Kayla flew down on the 8th to visit. So I have some plans to make with them, things to do with my boyfriend and I definitely need to make up for Preston and Roxanne’s birthdays.





On A Brighter Note

18 05 2009

 I should cease on the depressing entries, at least for now.

Our move is coming along quite well really. Lots of support from a couple of my friends, ok more like one thanks Levi, and several of Preston’s, correction again just one thanks Scott. But it’s good.

 A bit stressful like all moves are, but that’s to be expected.

I’ve been scouring garage sales, classified, penny savers and, yes, even craigslist like a mad woman. Found most of my deals on craigslist. Garage sales only got me in trouble. I’ve bought things I really don’t need. Paints, painting supplies, dvds, mirror candle holders, and various non essential wastes of money. But I can’t help it, its in the genes, it was a damn good deal!

I think Preston leaves it to me seeing that the woman in me comes out and I love to buy everything and figures he leaves it to me to find the deals. Plus he knows better. He knows that whatever furniture he buys is going to be the cheapest of the cheap, if not off the side of the road in someone’s trash, and I’m going to hate it and then he’ll have to deal with my bitching and moaning. Ever told you he’s a smart man? 

So far I’ve bought a beautiful grey microfiber couch, a patch pattern earth tone area rug, a double door less than a year old refrigerator (although it wasn’t needed because we already had one), a portable A/C unit, 2 huge Rubbermaid outside storage locker/containers, a twin size bed with nifty bed frame that has 3 drawers and bookshelves attached and various bath essentials. All in 2.5 days and under $700?!

Today we’ll be picking up a dining table set, a coffee table, a dresser and a night stand. Possible a white leather couch and a CA King memory foam mattress with frame too. Although picking up the mattress might not happen because we may be getting the one at dad’s house. Plus a CA King is way too B  I  G for our place. I don’t know yet. We have to use up all our options first.  

It’s a good thing I’m choosing and buying our décor because lord knows the O.D.D. comes out and everything has to match perfectly, it has to be beautiful and everything HAS to fit PERFECTLY. If not it irks to ends of the earth till it’s replaced. Although Preston is going a bit crazy with my perfectionist side.

We would have had a mattress already, that’s if I wasn’t allergic to the one I bought. Last Friday we checked out a mattress I wasn’t too fond of the headboard, but the mattress was great. It was soft, but firm. I didn’t end up feeling like I was being sucked in. So we picked it up and set it up at the new house. Within an hour my sinuses swelled up. My eyes became puffy, red, and watery. Then the sneezing and hacking came along. I was suffering. I didn’t know what to do. I have never been allergic to anything in my life. First thing the next morning Preston called the lady and asked if we could return it. Of course she wasn’t too happy, but she did and I got my money back.

The next bed issue happened yesterday. It was a nice frame, simple and cute design. But the mattress sucked. In my mind I though well I like the frame, the mattress can be used temporarily until I can afford my tempurpedic mattress. I gave the nice lady a down payment to hold it until we could come back with a truck. As we were leaving Preston finally says, “Well you are pretty much paying $350 for a simple plain frame.” Translation: “You dummy that thing sucks we aren’t getting it.” So fast u-turn Preston got the money back, another unhappy lady, and we are left still with no bed 3 days later. 

Things are coming along though. The only major thing we do need is mattress, other than that once we get a mattress the rest of our stuff can be moved over and we’ll be completely out of the other house and I won’t be feeling like furniture. 

To make things a little more stressful fun, Preston is having a get together with his friends this coming Saturday at the new house. Being the great hostess I enjoy being that means as we are bringing things in I have to unpack and prep the house twice as fast. Honestly, I don’t mind. Sure I might blow up from the absurd mess Preston makes unloading I like that he’s going to have his “boys night.” He rarely sees his friends and they all asked him to do something too. Just seeing him happy and relaxed with the people he’s closest too is just a small part of what makes me happy too. Plus with all the garage, patio and yard room we have now why not?

Nyx has grown accustomed to this moving thing. As if it’s just a regular adult thing to do. Which is bad and good, he doesn’t get thrown out of whack being moved around, but I want him to know we hare gypsies or nomads either. Even if I think gypsies are cool.

With our new house he has a huge garage, driveway and yard to play in. And I’ll be okay with that because he isn’t so close to the road. The park is right up the road from us and a beach down the road in the opposite direction. Within the house he has more of his own personal space. Rather than being crowded by 10 people he only has 3 and he can always find a place to make his own in the house.

I’m glad this house is our “halfway home” our temporary safe haven. We have been more actively looking into the house market. Learning about special grants, Hawaii specific home loans, and different programs helping low-middle income families buy their first homes with no fear of this recession money market hurting them. So in realistic terms I’m looking at next year finally owning a home. I’ve been in contact with a wonderful Realtor who has been in this business her whole life. She’s genuinely a kind person and so helpful giving us all this information. Even if we don’t go through her, her goal is just to help us get into a home of our own.

Once we get settled into this house we are making a face to face appointment with her – we’ve been communicating via email lately – to look at our options and see where we are.

First home here we come!!!!





A blog?! What’s that?

14 05 2009

I didn’t forget, just been avoiding.

In a lack of better description and words I’ve been depressed and overwhelmed.

Things have been good, things have been bad, but things can always be better.

I’ve been trying to learn to deal with the hardships that have been coming my way. Since November it’s been a never ending shit storm, one after the other. Every Sunday I tell myself “Well it can’t get any worse than this.” But lo and behold before the week is over it does get worse. There has been good moments in between the shit storms, but not nearly enough to make a mark on my soul to rejoice over.

As of late I hope my dad reads this.

It’s a sad thing when you can’t talk to your dad about what is on your mind and heart. Especially when we live under the same roof. Since he’s gotten married I feel like I was ousted out of his life. Deemed out of date. I’m not a little girl that needs her daddy by her side 24/7. But I am the little girl that wants to feel like I play some part in his life. Even if it’s not a HUGE part, but fit in somewhere that I am acknowledge to be of some existence to him. If I feel like this I can only imagine how my sister feels. I know it must be worse and that pisses me off.

My sister went to the ER 3 times and the crazy bin twice, not once did my dad call or visit. Even show the least bit of concern. He’s been so absorbed in this new marriage that we are invisible. I feel like furniture.

So when does he talk to us? When Channel finds something to bitch about, when S. feels inadequate, or we screwed up. Channel and S. complain that we “alienate” them by not talking to them or even saying hi. Well excuse me if I remember correctly I welcomed you into OUR home with open arms and minds. I showed interest into your life and included you both in ours and what do they do? Hide in my dad’s room. Ignore our conversations turn their fat noses into the air as if we aren’t worthy enough to breath the same air. So fuck you.

In 6 months I feel alienated in my own home. Kicked out of my dad’s life and completely betrayed. Am I over exaggerating? I doubt it.

My proof to back this up?

We are getting kicked out, a new place. We do our best to clean the best we can, pay our half of the bills, not complain about the stupid shit they say and do, and stay out of their way. But it’s not good enough. Channel (16) and her boyfriend N. (20) want our room.

S. told dad that she’s going to move out until we find a place, but after all it played out I think that was full of bullshit.

So here I am for the 4th time in a year we are moving. Where originally we moved in with dad because he said he would help us out by getting us out of very BAD situation, letting us pay off our debt and save money for a down payment on a house. For 3 months I took over the bills for the house because dad didn’t have the money. But he had money to get married, buy a ridiculous dog, fly S. up to Oahu when he is working, buy a new SUV, and spoil Channel. After feeling used I only paid half without saying anything. So thanks dad for not keeping up your end.

For almost 2 weeks its constant texts (because that’s the only way he talks to me) of “Did you find a place yet?” and “When will you be moving?”

Remind me to buy you a shovel for Christmas dad.

He’s already been asking me about my sister too – she moved back in onto grandparents side about 4 weeks ago – asking what she is planning on doing and leaving. She moved in because mentally she isn’t sound, she’s really mixed up in the head and in dire need of family support. Channel already told her to not use the downstairs bathroom, Channel stares Roxanne down till she leaves and pretty much summed up that Roxanne shouldn’t use the living room because her room is on the Grandparent’s side. WTF!? So before Dad gets a hold of Roxanne since he has yet to talk to her since she’s been here my sister is coming to live with us.

To hold true to my “No Bad Days” I have been sticking to finding the good in even the crappiest situation. We are moving into a 2bed, 1 bath, 0.23 acre lot HOUSE for only $850/month. So it’s cheap enough that we can still save up money for a house. It also grants us privacy and a place of our own. It sucks that we may lose a dad in the process.

To get dad and S. off our case we are dishing out a lot of money really fast to get absolute needs of furniture and living necessities. We are literally moving like mad people and rushing.

I have come to the conclusion that this depressed state I am in is because I am living at home. Because I’m living at home with S. and Channel.

Preston and I have been good though. He’s been amazingly supportive and loving. Preston has been incredibly understanding and has been trying to get me out of this rut. I feel just having that support has helped up grow closer together and deeper in love. That’s kind of cheesy, but true. His friends will be helping us a great deal moving the bigger items and literally going house to house picking up the furniture I have bought over Craigslist. I’m quite grateful for Preston and his friends.

Nyx has been doing awesomely too. His crying has been getting worse and it drives me up the wall crazy and mad. I just don’t have the patience to deal with crying caused by nothing. He whines about everything. He wakes up he cries, he’s too lazy to turn on the water himself he cries, he can’t put his slippers on he cries, he sweats he cries, etc. It’s frustrating. So my temper has gotten the better side of me lately. I feel bad, but I don’t it’s weird. We are trying to work something out, but I can’t wait for this phase to pass.

Kindergarten will be done soon. First week of June I do believe. Then he will be doing Summer camp for 8 weeks while I’m working. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. I’m scared. lol. He already hates waking up early and going to school. I can’t believe I have 12+ years of this ahead of me. But I can’t honestly say I’m not looking forward to every second of it.

He’s writing paragraphs, adding and subtracting, spelling, reading, becoming a leader, and completely independent. I want my baby back!

There are good points and there are bad points in my life, but I feel like I have make the good points more often. Where as before it felt like the good points came to me. Like it just happened and it was a beautiful when those great points in your life happened, but as I am growing older I feel like I have to make these events happen. I have to think upon this and leave it for a later entry. I need to head to bed and try to get a good nights rest.

PS I may not update my blog often, but I update my twitter everyday almost all day.





It’s been a while.

23 03 2009

A long long while.

We are still alive, in fact we made a vlog. It took me longer to find a place to host the video than it did to make, download, throw on a ‘watermark’ and upload. I just don’t personally feel comfortable with youtube and LiveVideo. I don’t the whole universe looking at my videosif it wasn’t meant for the whole universe, just the select few that actually stop by and see if we are still breathing. So at long last I opted for Vimeo. Still public, but not widely popular. I did photobucket, it only allowed 5 minutes of my 9 minute video upload, so boo to them.

I don’t know, I guess I’m going to have to do some searching for video hosts.

But we are here. Just busy. I mean VERY busy. I hardly have anytime to cal Naomi anymore, yet alone find enough time to blog my thoughts. So since we ate out tonight it gave me an extra hour of free time. Yey!

Now the vlog isn’t great Nyx is very active and a total show off.  So hey we tried:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Long Overdue Update on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod

And in the process I found this long lost video too:

2 years ago, so Nyx was about 3 years old. How he stung his “penie”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Untitled on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod





XOXO

14 01 2009

We were dropping Nyx off at school, doing our regular  routine.

Unbuckle, grab backpack, grasp the spam musubi, put backpack on, say our goodbyes, hugs and kisses.

Correction no kisses from Preston.

Preston: K man, have good day *hug*

Nyx: Wait! My kiss *looks up waiting for it*

Preston: Yea…..  no man. Here’s a hug.

Nyx: *bewildered* No I want a kiss.

Danni: Yea where is his kiss? Just give him a kiss. Geez.

Preston: Here have this *kisses his forehead*

In the car I had to ask what the big deal was.

Preston: He’s too old for a kiss.

WTF?!?! Didn’t know there was an age limit. I was then lead into this whole talk that it’s not masculine for two guys to kiss. It’s all about the hugs and hand shakes. The ‘manly’ gesture. Which lead me to ask, “You don’t kiss your dad?” Obviously not if he’s having this conversation with me.  So I spent the day asking guys I work with, do you kiss your dad? When’s the last time?

I lost.

Only one guy admitted to kissing his dad. Every 6 months. When he visits him in the mainland.

So am I just the weird one? It’s a small peck on the check. My son loves giving affection and receiving it too. It’s not like you are molesting him. I don’t get it, I must be weird.

Nope. I’m just the mom.

It’s a given that men will be men, even if they are dads. And moms? Well moms with forever try to sneak and steal every possible freaking kiss they can get.

After a day of thinking about it. I don’t kiss my dad. It’s been a while. It’s not like the opportunity presented itself, if it did I kiss my dad.

I don’t know. I figure as long as my son is cool with getting hugs and kisses from his parents in public I’m going to juice it for all it’s worth. Because I know when the day comes that he says no, I’m going to be pissed.





5 Years in the Making and Still Going

8 12 2008

To my kiddo on his 5th birthday:

It never gets old, but it really is amazing how fast time has flown with every year. How every year you never cease to amaze me. How every year you teach me hundreds of new things. How every year you show me something new about myself. How every year you’ve made me a better person, a better mother. How every year my heart grows exponentially for you.

As I look back on the past 12 months, you and I have overcome some amazing feats. Our biggest milestone together was starting kindergarten. It was scary at the beginning for the both of us. You being surrounded by hundreds of new kids and with me being so much farther away from you. I truly had to let go, I had to have faith in you. Sure my heart stopped for a good couple hours when I thought you got on the wrong school bus the first day. I felt queasy when I had to stop eating breakfast with you at school. How I had to hold back my tears when I hug and kiss you goodbye dropping you off in the morning.

No matter what, you always tried your best. You were being a “big boy.” Best of all you said, “I am being a brave boy for you mom.”

Those words would always put my mind and heart at ease. I knew I was doing something right because you took on the world with everything you had. I have to be brave for you too hun.

As we are celebrating your 5th birthday you are already looking forward to turning 6 and being a 1st grader. I’m just hoping that time slows down just a little more. Don’t grow up too fast you’ll give me a heart attack.

I always wonder if it’s I that am raising you or you that is raising me. Everyday is a new challenge, a new lesson, for me with you as my teacher. I’ve learned patience beyond my wildest imagination. I’ve learned that I had the worst trucker mouth and how to control it. I learned to expand my imagination even more because building a simple house out of Legos just isn’t going to cut it for you. You are raising me to be a better person. Not just a better mom.

So on your 5th birthday I wish you everything my heart, mind and this world can give you. We still have a whole lifetime ahead of us to create some beautiful memories. So what you want to do I leave it in your hands because you aren’t quite my baby any more. You’re my brave big boy.

I love you.
Mom