Tangled Web

3 02 2008

I live a tangled web of a life. Not lies, life. Nothing in my life is just plain and simple. It’s complicated and intricate. When it comes to signing up at any random social site and filling out the “About Me:” sections I never know what to say. I can’t sum me up in a paragraph or less. I try, but it feels to generic and fake. It doesn’t feel like I’m really telling the world who I really am.

I look at people and I know who they are. Definitely not in depth, but I can say, “hey this is so-so, he/she is the daughter of Jane and John Doe, he/she has 2 siblings, bob and janet. He/She lives in the Boondocks and works a nice Monday through Friday job.”

What can I say about myself, family or job? I don’t know what or who I want to be yet. I know I want it to encapsulate who I really am and love. I can’t tell anyone what my job is. It’s literally secret. So I tell them something generic and work for ABC XYZ company.

And family?

Well it’s huge. It’s complicated. But it’s truly the one thing I finally understand how I can count on them no matter the stupid shit I’ve done to hurt any of them, accidental or purposefully.

Both my biological parents are alive and well. I’ve had 1 step dad (8yrs old – 20 years old), of which is now divorced from my mother. I have 1 step mom (15 yrs old – now), though my dad and her are now divorced. I have 1 sister and 1 brother of pure blood. 2 half brothers from my step dad. Finally, 1 step sister and 2 step brothers from my step mom’s previous marriage. To top it off I have 8 grandparents, only 1 that passed away. Oh did I mention my Great-grandmother is only 3 years older than my grandma? My dad now has a new girlfriend. She’s 28, don’t know how to feel about that yet.

My son has it all. On top of Preston’s family. So it becomes even more complicated.

Don’t even get me started outside of the immediate family. I don’t even know how I’m related to any one. lol.

Am I complaining? No.

I know who I am because of my family. Blood or not. I love them. I love the fact that the love in my family grows exponentially. I love not having a “simple” family. It’s because of my family that I know now that I have always knew what true love really is. Above all how strong love is, outside of my son.

I love that my step sister still considers my dad her step dad even though our parents are together. I love that my step mom loves me as her own even though I was absolutely rotten and horrible to her for a few years. I love that my family is MINE. That they are a part of me.

What fun would life be if everything was so simple to explain? If everything was so normal? If I didn’t have them?

To top it off my son gets to be a part of this tangled web of insanity, our clan.

So who am I?

I am a complicated person. I love people as my family even with no blood. I am a person that appreciates love, life and relationships because of my family. I am me and I’m fine with that.

PS. Screw the everyday pictures. It scares me to always have to look at me.

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