I am so attached I’m scared

11 10 2007

When I put my son to bed I feel 1 of 2 things. First being, “whew finally asleep and some peace and quiet. Time to clean house.” Second, there goes another day older. Another day away from being my precious baby. Of course the second feeling being the most common.

I wish we didn’t have to sleep. That we could just live without. Then it would be an extra 6-10 hours a day I could spend being closer to my son. Every night I am so afraid that I’m missing something. I don’t know what, but I know I just hate (and love) that there are days that I am so amazed by how much he has grown and how mature he is now. He isn’t my tiny 22 inches, 9 lbs 3.3 ounce baby anymore. He’s this 3 feet 3 inches and 35lbs little man. Who yesterday told me he loved his new outfits from Wal-mart because it was so “gangsta”, lol.

I will not deny the fact that I love watching my son grow up and slowly (but not slow enough) become this amazing little man. It’s all going way too fast for me. I don’t have enough memory sticks to take enough photos, I’ve been way to lame to buy a camcorder to record the last 2 years of his life, and I don’t have nearly enough energy to keep up 24/7.

So he lays here next to me and as I look at him I wonder “what happened the last 3 years 10 months and 2 days because I could have sworn I just brought you home with me for the first time yesterday. ” I sit here with tears in my eyes, although there is joy in my heart fear resides there next to it. I’m scared of him growing up too fast. I want him to be my little baby forever. I know it’s never possible and ridiculous to say, but I know that play dates will evolve into sleep overs, friends will turn into girlfriends, pres-school turns will turn into high school, and those damn girlfriends will turn into wives who are stealing my baby away from me!

Maybe that last part wasn’t necessary but dammit it’s true. But all I can do is try to capture as many if not all the memories I can and accept the fact that he will grow up, but no matter what he will always be my baby. My number 1. My everything.

Now I wonder how old he will be when he kicks ME out of HIS bed.

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2 responses

12 10 2007
mozey

ha ha, you sound a lot like my mama!. I lived with my parents up until i graduated from university. Now, i’m ALL THE way cross the country 🙂 either ways, she would D tour once a while to a gas station,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, TO BUY ME CANDY!. And my mom is a short lady, and i’m a taller 23 year old (at the time). So it JUST LOOKS FUNNY!, me and my sisters laugh at this all the time. One OTHER bad thing about being the youngest,,,, you have to take candy and cheek pinches for EVER.

So one advice with regards to your young stallion, NEVER STOP BUYING HIM CANDY.

13 10 2007
JeNae

I’ve been reading your site (old & this) for a while, though never commented. But today I just had to comment. I was crying as I read this, because you could’ve pulled all those words right from my heart. My son is 16 months & I want to cry everytime I look at him, just thinking about how much he’s already grown up.

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