Tomorrow is the big day.

Supplies…….check.

Books………..check.

Backpack……check.

Bus Pass…….check.

Mom…………unchecked.

We can say that again. Nyx is definitely starting Kindergarten tomorrow. My heart has only sped up since last week. Only twice as fast.

Taking the wise words of advice from my son, “I’m trying to be strong son.” Not as much for him as it is for me. I haven’t gotten any better from wanting to prevent him from school. Since I enrolled him in February I’ve been waiting for a reason to rear it’s ugly head to let me keep him out of Kindergarten. I know that is a horrible thing for me to say. But I’m scared. I’m scared to let go. I’m scared to have no control over what will happen over there.

There are 17 kids in his class -including him. Only 2 of which I know from his Pre-K class. Which gives me a little comfort, but only a little. There are still 14 other kids. Kids I don’t know. Kids I don’t know if I would even like their parents.

The little boy that lives next door to me creeps me out. Sure his parents are nice, but they are drug dealers. It’s nice they don’t do it from our house. (Side note: remember we occupy the main house they live in the extension, so there is only a single wall that separates us.) But the fact that they get calls their “customers” pick the dad from the drive way and do their “transactions” else way still makes me uneasy. We live in a great neighborhood too. At least 90% of the people here work at The Company. The Company does random drug testing and no ones  during my 3 years there has gotten fired. I’m falling away from the story, sorry.

But the thing I’m getting at is the parents and kids from Pre-k are awesome people. Great influences on both my son and I. I’ve met the possible new parents and kids my son will have and it’s scary really. The kids are so mean and bully my son already. No surprise because their parents were already being dicks to me, and I know I didn’t do anything.

Here’s a good one, one of the moms stared me down because she was upset me son knew all his colors, shapes and letters at Kindergarten camp and her son couldn’t even spell his name. No where near being my fault, but apparently she though different.

I hate public schools.

But I have to learn to put those feelings and thoughts aside. I’ll only make my son paranoid and give myself panic attacks for the next 13 years to come. It’ll get better right?

After Nyx’s last day at CDC/Pre-k we took him to his new school and walked around. We even made him give us directions on how to get from our house to school. He was dead on for the directions. He even took the faster way, rather than the way I would have went.

I asked him to show me where his classroom was and he knew where it was. I walked him through knowing where to go when I drop him off and what to do while he waits for school to start. I laminated his temporary bus pass, labeled his wallet and backpack, and hopefully stuck the notion in his head that his wallet and bus pass only come out when he is boarding the bus.

I am most terrified of the bus. I don’t think I need to explain way, but Mrs. T assured that there will be someone there to make sure the kids get on the right bus. Later on through the year the older kids makes sure the younger ones get on the same bus. Which is awesome because the older kids’ parents all work for The Company.

As a present for this momentous occasion we bought Nyx his own computer. Granted it is used, but it’s rebuilt from the toe up so it’s practically brand new. It has a faster CPU, more memory, CD/DVD burner, and a card reader. Nothing on it but the O.S. so yey him! He can finally install all his computer games and doesn’t have to wait till Preston and/or I to get off our laptops to use. He thanked the guy we bought it from with a big grin and in turn the guy gave it to us $20 cheaper.

I have to admit Preston and I do want to kick ourselves in the ass for just not building Nyx his own computer. It’s not like we don’t 4 towers with motherboards in them already. It’s not like we can’t build computers either. But you know how the stereotypes go right? The best mechanic always has the shittiest running car, the carpenter has the house that’s fall apart, the therapist that his way more issues than his patients, and the computer technicians who don’t have the time to put a simple computer together for their son to they up and buy one from another technician that builds them. Yea well you get the point.

As I rivel in the last moment of the day we are finally going to go finish watching 21, I’m going to stare at my son for a few moments before I wake up tomorrow and he’s my big kid, and then take a nice hot shower.

Do Work, Son!

And that I have, and man have I.

In 10 days I put in 134 hours of work. I asked for extra money in this rough spot of the year and I got it, 3 folds. Lots of overtime and double time. Very little much to complain about. I saw my son for all of 8 hours the whole time. I spoke on the phone with him every moment I could. I cuddled up for the nights that was possible for me to come home. It hurt, a lot.

I have been quite absent from everything, everyone, and even myself. I’ve been trying to prove myself, not only to my boss, but to myself. If that makes much sense.

In the months of pass, I’ve grown very weary of my job. Frustrated with feeling stunted by my every daunting task. And questioning my very worth as an employee.

Though I had to sacrifice my valuable time with my son, I received a rejuvenated feeling of worth. I was given incredible challenges and surprise attacks of “bam you got 1 hour to do this make it happen.” Truly it was grueling and i wanted to cry, but I needed my faith in myself to be restored. I needed to reminded that I am pure awesomeness at my job.

Don’t misunderstand me though. I hated being away from my son. I hated not seeing him off to school. I hated having to eat each microwavable meal with another coworkers in a cold building. I hated hearing the tone of much sadness in my son’s voice. It was hard. For the both of us.

Though I needed to be reminded why I enjoy my job, above all we needed the money. Expenses have gone up dramatically. Needs need to be met. Bills to be paid and roof to be kept over our heads. A boss needed to feel much confidence in to give me my raise. Of which prior boss had set up for me already, but new boss didn’t know and screwed that up.

So I’ve done work and things have started to slow down again. I’m back to 8 hours a day. Which leaves only 3 more days of weird hours. 3 days which my son doesn’t need to be in some sort of sad state. He’ll be at J.’s house and won’t really notice my leave.

And so goes for the work end.

Kindergarten.

Nyx had his assessment test yesterday (7/21) and it was about 45 minutes long. Really went through some basic things. His letters, upper and lower, numbers, colors, shapes, body parts, etc. I feel he went through with flying colors. He stumbled a little on the Q, R, G, and S. Skipped 14-16 while counting to 20. Didn’t know where his wrist and heel was, but in all he had awesome remarks.

I get to call in tomorrow or Thursday to schedule a parent-student meeting. That’s when we get to learn what teacher he will have and group he gets put in. We then get to place all his things into his classroom and he finally gets to see where he will finally be.

Might I add, labeling every crayon, erase, marker and book is really a huge pain in the ass Especially when he has 4 boxes of the same markers and crayons.

More updates of Kindergarten are soon to come.

And to end my entry with…..

Divorce.

Not much I can say here. I rushed to notarize some documents last week Friday. In return my lawyers response was,

“So looks like you’ll be divorce in a couple weeks.”

Not that the last 3 years of fighting for a divorce was a fucking breeze.

My first company party. . . . .

. . . . It was interesting to say the least. I had fun, in a sense.

Let’s put it this way, my boyfriend and I were the youngest there. Generally, my boyfriend and I along with 8 other people are the youngest people within the whole company. We are 23 years old. The next youngest would be 35 years old. Still young, but old enough to make us feel out of place.

We went because people from our department were going and my boyfriend thought it might be fun. It was. There was 2 bands playing. The first band played some nice contemporary music and the second band played all Kachi Kachi music.

It truly is weird to see the professional, well carried, and sophisticated co-workers drunk and dancing up a storm. Especially the woman who is the head of H.R. Then my boss who is drinking simple gin and tonic resisting the urge to just torture/harass the drunken H.R. department.

Then there is the guys in my boyfriends department. Two specifically. We will call them K and R. Well K and R drink together regularly 3 times a week. They go bar hopping everywhere, they do side jobs together, and they work on projects for work together. One might think they are together.  But K proves wrong without even trying. Left and right K was taking women to the dance floor. Showing each woman a great time. Getting in good with H.R. Impressing his boss because he was dancing up a storm with the boss’s wife. In all he swooning all the women. Including myself and I didn’t even dance with him. If you saw the way he moves and how smooth he is you would want to do him too. lol.

I was amazed by K. A few years back I worked with him, but different company. He was really nerdy and really didn’t  seem like the smooth moves kind of guys. He went home and played PC games all day. At that point yea I did have a crush on him. Yes, I do get the hots for nerdy guys - hence my boyfriend roflmao. But he really was and still is a sweet guy. He lost some weight, got a new wardrobe, and became friends with R. Now I’m wondering, why the hell doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Maybe he’s been so geeky and hidden in his mom’s basement for so long he forgot how to be with a woman. That’s if he has been with one. lol. I should really stop bashing him. Maybe it’s all really a charade and he is gay. hahaha. That would be something, but I doubt it. My gaydar didn’t go off.

Back to the party. I was drunk too. When we got there we watched the sun set, which is the prime place to be, then went straight to the bar. I haven’t really drank for damn near 6 months. I don’t care for it anymore. I like keeping my mind clear. Plus I am an admitted alcoholic. I gave in though. I know I was going to be safe. My boyfriend knows how and when to completely cut me off. So 8 Lemon Drops, 1 Heineken, 1 Cadillac Margarita, 2 Vodka Crans, and a Royal Flush later I was feeling good. Oh did I mention my “tolerance” is a little up there?

My boyfriend danced only one song with me. I don’t even remember the song - sober or not - but it we only danced because it was a slow song and Beau knew he would hardly have to move. He can not dance and I practically had to beg to slow dance. It was only 30 seconds at the most. I told him that I was jealous that K was just on it with the dancing. Then I asked if he would be mad if I danced with K. He said no, but I felt guilt behind it. Dammit if I had a boyfriend that danced, and loved it oo, like K he would be getting laid a lot. lol. Oh the dirty side of me.

We called it a night at around 1130 and my boyfriend danced with me in the parking lot. He was really trying his best. Which I thought was pretty good. Though I was drunk. It was fun and sweet. We danced a couple songs under the stars and went home.

I puked along the way. Good times, good times.