The best ending.

To top off one of the most amazing and bliss full weeks I received one of my greatest surprises.

Friday was a going away night for my friend AK. He went back to school in Reno today. Plans were we were all going to meet at my house at 6pm, go out to dinner, then off to see Cloverfield. So MM showed up first at 5, he lives the farthest and we just cruised. So bright idea, hop on Sight Speed and chat it up with Devin and Naomi online web cam style.

Naomi texted me back to let me know she was driving and will see me soon, but Devin was home and wanted to talk with us. So we spent the whole time just talking and waiting. AK, Juci, and L were late. Finally I hear a knock at the door so I run to the door and unlocked it. I knew who it was so I just started walking back to my web cam because Devin was still talking.

Lo and behold I hear Naomi, “Honey! I’m home!” My first reaction was “yeah she’s online and RAN my ass to my laptop. I hear Naomi again, “Honey I’m home!” I turned around screamed my fat ass off, there she was standing in my living room.

Her company flew her down from New York to train their new hire. My heart literally stopped when I saw her. It was honestly the greatest surprise I had in a long time. But to top it off Preston came home from California a few hours before too.

I spent my weekend with awesome friends, my life partner Nai, and my boyfriend.  Ate all you can eat prime rib buffet, watched and puked to Cloverfield, had a great laugh and cry over high school, played some awesome Rock Band, and had a 3 day weekend.

This year is turning out to be pretty damn good.

1 year and 2 months till our next trip to New York. Oh how sweet it is.

Absolute Bliss

I can’t even describe this last week. Nothing exciting really happened. Nothing new. I didn’t even buy any new toys for myself. This past week has just been nothing but awesomeness.

You want to know the sad thing about it? Preston has been gone all week. lol.

He has been in California for work since Saturday morning. I Saturday and a greater part of Sunday just to myself. Since Sunday evening till this afternoon it’s been Nyx and I. And now it’s just me again.

I’m happy because I feel like I actually did something this week.

*drum roll*

I cleaned my house! I can walk through my living room without stepping on any dvds, video games, controllers, our turtle, clothes, or any random toys. I can walk into my bedroom without tripping on any of our clean laundry. I go into my bathroom and it smells like lavenders. Literally. I can see my bathroom sink now. It’s actually white and beige! I walk into my kitchen without seen the piles of dishes or the 3 day old cooking on the stove.

I can live again!

Preston and I are always busy rushing around doing errands, working, and trying to maintain our relationship. We put chores off to spend time with Nyx because every week it feels like the hours in a day become less and less.

Tonight I’m finishing up our bedroom. I have not even gotten close to touching Nyx’s room. It’s almost impossible. I went in there only to have taken my first step and have the red power ranger stab me with his mystical wand, trip over Lightning McQueen’s town and land straight on top of a Nerf Gun.

On another note, noticed I’m using Nyx’s name now? Trying to be less paranoid.

But my laser death ray shield is still up.

An Ode to My Son

While taking care of photo hunters at the same time. lol.

Disclaimer: There’s a LOT OF TMI! So read at your own caution.

Our Birth Story.

A long time ago, more like 4 years ago to this very moment I was studying for my finals the next day, I was going off on remember specific formulas, capacitive and inductive resistance, while writing my English paper. I was two days late and felt like I was pregnant for almost a decade. Okay maybe not a decade, but definitely a long long ass time.

On top of studying for finals my body felt different, it was weird. It was like my body was telling me “do not call it a night, you should stay up, and do not settle in.” Regardless, I ignored the signs my body was telling me and called it a night. The moment I laid down I ‘wet’ myself. Yes ladies and gentlemen my water broke at exactly midnight of Dec. 8th, 2003. I got up to a massive pile of water on my bed. I went to wake J (my son’s bio-dad) and he said I peed the bed. I then told his mom, she said I peed the bed. You would think a woman who was nurse for 20 years, 9 of which was labor and delivery, she would know the difference between my water breaking and accidentally peeing. Nonetheless, she cleared my bed and told me to go back to sleep. I was paranoid and pissed off. NO one wanted to drive me to the hospital. So to prove her wrong I laid down and I ‘wet’ the bed again. And that was the final draw, I was finally being put into the car. Of which J was so paranoid I would wet the seat he laid massive amount of towels everywhere.

When I got to the E.R. it was close to 1am and even the nurse there had to ask me if I was sure I didn’t pee myself. Come on people I think I would know the difference. Then here’s the kicker, the nurse asked me if I brought my underwear in which I ‘wet’ myself. MER? No I cleaned up and changed. By 2am I had my own room and lacked any contractions. They already notified my mid-wife and she wouldn’t see me until I started having contractions. I was anxious and excited I couldn’t sleep. Even though all the nurses said I had a long day ahead of me and I should sleep, I just couldn’t. Mind you at this point I haven’t slept in over 24 hours. But I had adrenaline rushing through me nothing could possibly knock me out right now.

I ended up watching Nick Jr., Cartoon Network and MTV most of the night. I finally called my stepmom when the sun was up and besides J she was the only person I wanted in there. No matter how much pain I was in I didn’t want any pain killers. No epidural! Nothing. All Natural. I am pretty good and being able to meditate and focus on outside things to move past the pain, but still my contractions weren’t much. A little after noon I felt like I had to take a massive poop, it hurt. A lot. lol.

That’s when the real labor began. I don’t remember much of it. Sadly. But what I do remember was crazy. I regret not making it to my Lamaze class because for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what muscle to push with. Then with the pain it made it harder to focus on that muscle. My stepmom was a great support person because J just wasn’t all there and it really fucking sucked. This nurse ended up tricking me when I was at the peak of my contraction and asked if I want the advil pain medicine of the pain killer line for labor. Which if I could remember what it was I would recommend you to NEVER take it. Because it did NOT take the edge off of the pain, instead I started hallucinating. Every moment I closed my eyes it felt like I went off into dream land where I argued with my classmate T. Every time I closed my eyes I felt like they were closed for an hour, when in actuality it was only 2 seconds.

This is where I don’t remember too much. I was delirious and having hard time focusing on outside things because of this stupid “advil”. I remember at one time I looked down and there were two wires that were tapped to my leg and went down my leg. Now I know that wasn’t there before. From the tidbits during my labor to what I learned after the nurses, my midwife, and my doctor kept losing my son’s heartbeat and when they found it his heart beat it was really low. They would lose his heartbeat during every contraction. What that was narrowed down to was that he was being crushed every contraction. So they had to put that screw into his head to monitor his heart. I understand now why they didn’t tell me too much because I probably would have had a heart attack.

When he started to crown it was like the world became clearer and the fog this stupid ‘pain killer’ created was clearing out. I was offered a mirror to see his head. It was the greatest incentive for me to work harder. I wanted to hold him so bad.

I may have only been in labor for 6.5 hours but it felt like the whole week. But at 6:28pm my son, my Short Stack, my life was born. his Agpar 9, respectively. Weighing in at 9 lbs. 3.3 ounces at 22 inches long. I heard him let out a healthy cry. I saw him being held by the nurse. And at 6:29 I held him for the first time. I saw his swollen eyes and ruby red lips. I felt his fingers wrap around my finger. It was at that very moment that my life finally started. I waited 19 long years to understand what love really is. 19 years to start my life. 19 years to find out I was not complete until I became a mother. 19 years is a long time, but I would wait another 19 if I had to for my son.

Today, it’s been 4 amazing years. Without you hunny I would never be where I am at. I would have never went to school. I would have never kicked the drugs and drinking. I would have never been happy. I would never be me.

For as long as I am walking, crawling, or wheeling around on this earth and there after I will be there creating a trillion memories with you, savoring every second of every day, sharing a million laughs every moment and never missing a single beat.

Thank you for choosing me. I love you baby. Happy 4th Birthday!