Don’t I kind of need that?!

I went to my ultrasound appointment bright and early yesterday.

Don’t be confused, I’m not pregnant, although ultrasounds aren’t nearly as cool, amusing or worthwhile if your not.

I went because of those fiery back and chest pains.  It was interesting to be shown my kidneys, liver, pancreas and whatnots. I sucked at human anatomy can you tell?

In the midst of my appoint the ultrasound technician called the doctor, not the one who sent me there, but a the doctor that would be reviewing my ultrasound BEFORE it went to the doctor who sent me there. Anyways he called him/her and nonchalantly said, “hey there’s this big black clot in her liver I’m going to take several pictures of it at different angles it’s label yadaydasomething”, hangs up and asks me how I’m doing today.

HOLD UP! A black what? IN my whatchamacallit?! Aren’t you going to tell me anything?!?!

No.

After 20 minutes I was sent on merry way.

I went to my son’s May Day program at school and went into work for half a day. The only thing on my mind is “WTF?!?! A black clot?! Please call me already and tell me the guy was just a huge idiot and it was gas or something.”

The whole morning went by, then the afternoon.

Damn them.

On our way back home from town I get a call, from Dr. P. the original doctor that sent me. He has my results. It went something like this.

“Hey Danni this is Dr. P. So I got your results back and you do have a gall stone in your gall bladder. So my nurse is going to make an appointment with you and we are going to remove your gall bladder.”

HOLD UP! AGAIN!

“Wait what? My gall what? Bladder? I thought it was a stone.”

“Yes it is, but since it’s a reoccurring issue it is best to remove your gall bladder. You know longer need it anyways. It’s like your appendix. It’s s simple procedure and the nurse will call you tomorrow for your appointment.”

Then leaving me in shock. I never had anything physically removed from my body. Giving birth to my son doesn’t count. I had to physically push him out and I did all the work. I have never been involuntarily knocked out so someone can remove a piece of my body.

I wonder if they’ll put it in a jar for me to keep.

It scares me. I don’t think it helped the fact that I just got over watching Awake with Hayden Christiansen and Jessica Alba.

I went to the marvelous world of Webmd.com and did research to put my mind at ease and apparently of all surgeries to have removal of the gall bladder is the easiest and safest. About 500,000 people undergo this every year. So I”ll just be one the 500,000 statistics.

Did I ever mention that when I was  7 months pregnant with Nyx for my 19th Halloween I went as a statistic. Think about that. lol.

My mind is racing all over this topic. I know I don’t have enough paid absence and vacation time accrued to take off for 3 weeks. I just used all my saved time to take off for almost 2 weeks because Nyx and I was just in and out of the hospital for the greater part of April and now this.

But to end the night, the damn nurse didn’t even call me today. So maybe tomorrow and if not I know I’ll get a call Monday. I’m in no rush. mostly because I’m scared shitless, but that’s okay. I get to lay around in bed for 3 weeks and do nothing.

I’m at my peak you can stop now.

I’m not really the type of person to really dread on the past and get stuck there. I will admit I will look behind me and wonder about things, but I don’t really sulk in it. I’m typically always looking forward and anxious to know what the future has in store for us, me.
At least that’s how I felt up until the last few weeks.

I feel like things have been flying ‘into’ me way too fast. The first wave of things I took with grace and a huge smile. Sure it ‘swept’ me off my feet, but since then I haven’t been able to get back on my feet and brace myself for everything else. The moment I start getting up from all fours I’m knocked down by the next thing or obstacle, whether it hits me from above or below. Honestly I was enjoying it. Completely excited about all the things happening and overwhelmed with the immense stressed made me feel like I was truly accomplishing a lot of things.

Sadly, a trait that hasn’t dissipated since Jr. high.

But I think I truly met my limit. It’s no fun anymore. I want to stop and breathe for a moment or two. Damn I’d be satisfied with half a moment if it was given.

We’ve literally been on the move since the end of February. In two months we have packed, moved, unpacked, repacked, moved again, and now in the unpacking stage. Again. Bought two cars, not because we were suffering without the lack of vehicles or anything, but it was just there.

The ‘92 240sx is my dream project car. I’ve been searching for this car for almost 8 years, just to be ousted by someone else and we got it together. Then in the process of this car and the insane rising cost of gas realized we need to get another vehicle to save on gas and money. Originally we were going to get rid of our Chevy and my VW to buy some nice sedan, somewhere along the lines of a Camry or Maxima. But Preston then found his dream car. I felt both our criteria. Mine: 4 doors and standard. Preston: Honda Accord. So we bought a ’95 Honda Accord EX. He gave into my dream project car of course I’m going to do the same. No matter how much I hate dislike Hondas. We have yet to get rid of any of our vehicles. So we have 6 – new to old – VW, Chevy, Accord (2dr), Accord (4dr), Ford, and my baby Nissan. So the damn Accord took the place of the car we I really wanted.

Now with the new house, the house we are going to stay in for the next several years, I love this house. It’s huge and leaves tons of room for growing. Minor exception it came with NO appliances. We already had to buy a new refrigerator, but we were left without a stove. At first we were O.K. with it, we had a BBQ and our rice pot so how important is it to have a stove?

Very important.

Try BBQ-ing spaghetti. It took me over 3 hours. It was no fun. So I bought a stove today. It’s not home yet, but I swear I am never going through that again. I’ve been without a stove for almost a month now. I alone spent $900 eating out because we could hardly cook anything at home. And that’s just me I have know clue what Preston spent for when he paid, but I can imagine it’s close to what I spent.

I really don’t know what compelled me - this was before I thought having a stove was major importante - I felt like I needed a bigger couch. Our living room is 3 times bigger than ANY living room we ever had. Correction my dad’s living room is bigger, but that doesn’t count. So having our tiny futon couch in a huge living room was ridiculous. So I went looking for another one. Instead I found two HUGE couches. They are this beautiful royal blue, overstuffed cushions and when you combined them together it forms the most awesomest california king sized fortress. Yes we tried, dived, and fell in love with it. Better yet it was two hundred for both and they belonged to Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park. I will never get rid of them.

So where does this put us?!

In a tight bind. Yes I put myself there. But that’s the least of it.

I normally love my job. I love the people I work with. I love what I do. But The Company is truly wearing me down. I am the only female in my department and I really don’t mind. Like outside of work I am just one of the guys. My boss usually puts me in charge of different things. I look over a bunch of things and I truly love the responsibility. I understand why it happens too. I’m the technical one of the bunch. I take on everything with a smile. I get things done fast and perfect. I practically NEVER grumble. I actually take the time to learn new things and love the challenge. But the guys I work with grumble and honestly talk WAY too much. So much hardly anything gets done. So I’m the “go-to-girl”. But when I’m constantly pulled away from projects for “hot projects” just when I was put on a previous hot project I can’t handle it. I only went in for 4 hours today, just be tasked to 5 different jobs on top of the 3 jobs I already had from the day before. I understand that my boss goes to me because the other guys are older and are really set in their ways, but he must know I have my limits. And he met it last week. lol.

Right now I want the weekend to come because this week has flown by way to quickly. I was really convinced that today was Tuesday. I’m serious too.

Wow I just realized tomorrow is Friday. Jeez that last bit made no sense.

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Let this week be over

because stress is something I have way too much of.

Let’s start with last week Friday night, it’s like after 12am and I’m off to bed. And guess what? I wake up an hour later with the most killer back pain. It was shooting up, down, left, right just damn near all over my back. I tossed and turn trying to find the most comfortable position. I ended up grabbing the floor futon and trying to lie on the floor. Nope. The pain then start spreading to my chest.

You know the feeling you get when you are going down a roller coaster or when you start going down on an elevator? Its that weird “my gut just shifted into my chest” feeling. Highly uncomfortable when you have it for over 4 hours and every breath you take you feel like chunks are going to fly out.

Around 7am Saturday morning I felt Preston got enough sleep and I cried, literally I cried, for a back massage. I finally fell asleep. He took care of Nyx for a few hours and I finally got up at around 1030am. I wanted to babysit my nephew Baby K that day. Get Nyx used to little ones and Preston to understand the feeling of 2 kids.

Let’s just say with a 4 year old and a 1 year old the day was not uneventful. It was more intense. Nyx was very competitive. Any time I gave Baby K a complement Nyx was sure to follow with, “I’m eating really good too mom.” . . . “I can take bigger bites mom.” . . . “I don’t use diapers mom.” I was cool with it though. I knew it was to be expected. Preston, well, he was a different story. He got strung out on having two wee ones. I had fun though.

Sunday was uneventful, but once again I had that incredibly monstrous back pains. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe they were sympathy pains. Ya know because of Mo’s pregnancy. Maybe that’s it.

Nonetheless, I had a horrible nights rest on Sunday. Oh wait let me add to the pain. Once I was finally able to fall asleep Nyx started crying at 430. No more than 2 hours after I finally fell asleep, crying might I add. Nyx tossed and turned in his bed, finally giving in and climbing into our bed where he then got fed up with sleeping next to us that he grabbed his stuff and migrated back to his room at around 530am. Keeping track here? My alarm is set to go off at 6am. I laid there till then. Nyx and I were not on good terms by then. Me with the lack of sleep and Nyx not wanting to explain to me why he was crying or what was hurting.

Off to school and work we go. I picked him up 2 hours later because he couldn’t stop crying he was literally in pain. Pain in which he couldn’t explain to me. By this time he has already been crying for almost 5 hours.

Monday was then spent driving around trying to find out what’s wrong with Nyx. His regular pediatrician wasn’t able to see him till 330 and I knew I couldn’t wait that long so we had to put up with Dr. Wotring. With a name like that it I reluctantly wanted to see him. He couldn’t find anything wrong with my son and suggested I see his dentist because Nyx claims the pain is coming from his mouth. But in case of a possible infection we were prescribed antibiotics.

For the last 8 years I’ve been going to Longs for all of our prescriptions and why is it that day it took them over an hour to find my insurance information?!?!! Do they not see my son and I are both extremely tired, my son is crying nonstop and we just want to make this FAST?!?!?! I found children’s tylenol and finally Nyx calmed down, it was as if nothing was wrong with him. Thank you tylenol.

We headed over to our dentist, same dentist he went to almost 2 years ago and refused to cooperate. It was bad enough where they remembered him. I was advised that if he didn’t cooperate they would send him to a “specialist.” But do you honestly think that things could possibly go smoothly? Of course not. Nyx screamed and yelled. All he had to do was say “aaahhhh,” no poking, just looking. Nope. He cried, and cried, and cried some more. Instantly an appointment was made for us to see the “specialist,” on Tuesday.

What do I mean by specialist? Why dentists and dentist nurses are specially trained to hold down kids and open their mouths. Doesn’t that sound like fun?!?!

We finally got home around 230pm Nyx is still crying, falling in and out of sleep, and no way of truly consoling him. He cried to much that he clogged his sinus enough that he couldn’t pop his ears. How do I know this because he started freaking out about “hearing voices in his head,” and that “he couldn’t hear his voice.”

It was a horrible Monday night.

Yesterday, Tuesday, was much much better. In some sense. Our appointment was at 930. Nyx promised to cooperate and open his mouth. I explained to him what might happen if he didn’t. And I really thought they were just going to take some x-rays and clean his teeth or something. I was wrong. They talk to us for all of 5 minutes. Had him in the seat with 10 seconds, examined his teeth and found out which tooth was the culprit in less than 30 seconds and were drilling at his tooth within 2 minutes of being in the room. Nyx probably thinks I’m the biggest liar in the world. Two nurses holding him down, the dentist holding his head, and me?! Me being forced to hold his hands. Nyx cried, kicked, and fought to hard to get out of there. They drilled down to the nerve of his molar, filled it with this white stuff and gave him that silver crowning thing. We then had a consult, set up his check up for June and were sent off on our merry way. We were out of there by 10:14.

Fast recap appointment at 930. I got there at 923. I filled out at least 10 pages of paper work, waited another 10 minutes, consult, drill, consult, set up another appoint and off I was sent by 10:14. I think it went so fast that Nyx was still in a daze.

I felt horrible, but ya know what? Nyx didn’t cry again, the pain was gone, the voices were too, and he was back to being his happy chipper self again. But now when he smiles, I feel like I ruined his smile. His right second from the back molar is silver.

He calls it his bling bling. Damn this kid sometimes.